Anonymous Mom: I’m Too Selfish To Help A Fellow Infertile Couple Have Kids
I’ve used Anonymous Mom before as a vehicle to share my decision to use donor eggs in getting pregnant. I still stand by my choice 100% and I am extremely happy with my twins. Recovering from a C section and raising two babies at the same time took up the bulk of our energy and attention for the past year and a half, but once the dust settled and we found our groove as a new family, I looked at my husband and realized there was an important baby related issue we needed to address – what to do with the remaining 4 embryos.
Our hospital fees included storage for a year, which was good because had you asked me during that time if I wanted to have more kids I would have said both yes and no, depending on my horomones and how well the babie slept the night before. But once the bill for next year’s storage fee showed up in the mailbox we had to make a decision. We talked it over for a few days and, for a variety of reasons, decided we were done having children and would be a four person family (five if you count the cat). I called the clinic and asked them to mail us the embryo disposal paperwork.
When we first got involved in the donor egg process a couple years ago,we were told that we would have three options down the road regarding unused embryos: pay to have them stored, discard them, or donate them to science. My husband has a background in neuroscience, so donating the embryos to research made sense to us and to be honest, I gave myself a mental pat on the back for doing something that could potentially help others. That is, until the paperwork came, and my self appointed halo was smashed to smithereens.
The papers we recieved said now we had FOUR options: freeze the embryos, discard them, donate them to science or donate them to another infertile couple. My husband and I were both raised Christian and while I don’t necessarily believe in all of the teachings of the Church, I do believe in karma and that we get back what we put out into the world. Giving the embryos to a couple who were in the same position as we were not so long ago would be the right thing to do, a generous pay it forward act of selflessness that would allow me to feel fantastic about myself, even if I never drive a hybrid. The universe was giving me this amazing chance to give someone the chance to make a family – and I couldn’t do it.