We Didn’t Want To Buy Your Crappy Pizza Anyway, Domino’s

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shutterstock_41557003Domino’s pizza sucks- and not just because I am a born-and-bred New Yorker. No self-respecting pizza-lover would buy this crap, but just in case you find yourself desperately hungry and craving delivery one night – think again. Not only does their pizza suck, but their founder is suing the federal government over Obamacare’s contraception coverage.

Tom Monaghan says contraception isn’t health care, but a “gravely immoral” practice. From Gawker: “This shouldn’t come as a huge surprise considering Monaghan’s previous support of pro-life and conservative causes. In the past, he’s backed groups such as Operation Rescue, Right to Life, Priests for Life, and the Committee to End State-Funded Abortion in Michigan.”

I usually prefer my pizza without a side order of politics, but in this case – I’m glad it’s all out in the open. Remember when fast-food chains just served food and didn’t take stances on things like birth control and gay marriage? That was fun. You could just eat whatever you wanted without worrying about backing some totally ignorant, pro-life, anti-woman, anti-humanity agenda. Those were the days.

Monaghan offers health insurance to his employees, but it doesn’t include coverage for contraception or abortion. The new federal law requires employers offer coverage for contraception, or face fines. According to the Huffington Post, “Monaghan says the law violates his rights, and is asking a judge to strike down the mandate.”

Frankly, I don’t understand how these laws can possibly violate an individual’s rights. Oh yeah, that’s because they can’t. Domino’s is a business, not a person. It can’t have religious obligations, just like it can’t have a favorite color, favorite boy-band, or favorite flavor of ice-cream.

According to Snopes, the pizza chain once addressed the reproductive rights issue on their FAQ page:

Domino’s Pizza LLC has never supported organizations on either side of the reproductive rights issue. The corporation and its 1,825 independent franchise owners across the world have one goal: to sell pizzas and grow our market share. We can’t accomplish that goal if we alienate potential customers, as this issue certainly would.

If the statement still exists, I couldn’t find it anywhere. Hopefully Monaghan will fail miserably with this ridiculous litigation. In the meantime, I won’t miss the pizza anyway.

(photo: Mike Flippo/