Does Being A Mother Mean Kissing Your Sex Life Goodbye?
We all know that being a parent is tiring. Yes, it’s wonderful and fulfilling and all that good stuff, but it’s also exhausting and, well, it doesn’t exactly make your sex life skyrocket out of control. At least not when you’ve got little ones running around demanding your attention 100% of the time.
For most mothers, it simply means putting in more of an effort â€“ planning date nights, for example â€“ or just knowing that those all-night sex marathons will come at a later time (like in a different decade). None of this is all that surprising, but what’s upsetting is the knowledge that many mothers believe their partner no longer finds them attractive.
In fact, a new survey from the website Netmums interviewed British mothers between ages 18-60. When asked which words their partner would use to describe them, just 12% of mothers said “feminine,” while a whopping 69% simply said “tired.” A third of respondents felt they were seen simply as “mother” and not “lover.” And more than one in five said they were regarded as “sexless.” Yikes!
The overarching theme is that many mothers â€“ especially those in their 20s as compared with those in their 50s â€“ have lost their self-confidence. They said they feel “mumsy,” meaning they hate their post-child bodies and they’ve given up on fashion and beauty. And 40% said they forget who they were before they had children (dubbed “mumnesia” by researchers).
â€œBeing a woman is part of being a mum â€“ having children is life-changing but shouldnâ€™t mean that you edge towards â€˜mumnesia,'” said Netmums co-founder Siobhan Freegard. “Thereâ€™s no reason to feel guilty about finding time to spend on your appearance and your hobbies or interests. â€˜Meâ€™ time is hard but not impossible to find, and a little goes a long way in helping us keep hold of [who we really are].â€
Here, here, sister! It’s so true. The fact is, most moms I know would rather hop into bed with a trashy magazine rather than their husband at the end of a busy day. But I think the point is to find the time to spend with your partner and, just as important, to take time for yourself.