Hearing About Other Peopleâ€™s Divorces Helps Normalize Our Family For Our Daughter
If youâ€™ve ever been through a divorce or separation, or know someone who has, youÂ know you wouldnâ€™t wish that pain, much like a death, on anyone. So how can I beÂ happy when I find out that other parents in my daughterâ€™s school are gettingÂ divorced? It sounds awful, and like I said, I donâ€™t wish divorce or the pain of gettingÂ through one on anyone. In fact, Iâ€™m actually really sad when I hear of yetÂ another marital breakdown. But then I canâ€™t help but think, somewhat excitedly, â€œIÂ canâ€™t wait to tell my daughter!â€
Youâ€™d have to know a little of our history toÂ understand this. In my social group, I was one of the first, at age 29, to have a baby. Then, three years later, I was one of the first to get divorced. Technically, we never gotÂ married. However under the law, we had been living together long enough for ourÂ relationship to be considered a â€˜marriage.â€™
It wasnâ€™t hard on my daughter, since sheÂ was just turning three and, at that point, only really cared about walking aroundÂ with a Dora the Explorer Band-Aid on her at all times. But, at school, none of herÂ friends had divorced parents. Since my ex lives in a different city, my daughter livedÂ entirely with me. She had no friends who just lived with their mommies, but thatÂ wasnâ€™t a problem back when she was three and was still figuring out how to useÂ toilet paper.
For three years, she was the only one in her class with divorcedÂ parents, and the only one who didnâ€™t see her father every day. Now that sheâ€™s nine and understands her â€˜storyâ€™ â€“ mommy and daddy got drunk, we had her, our â€˜oopsieâ€™Â baby, AND the best thing thatâ€™s ever happened to us â€“ and also understands why herÂ father and mother arenâ€™t together and why we live in different cities, she isÂ constantly asking questions about marriage. The other day she asked, â€˜So, if you andÂ Jordan (my fiancÃ©)Â break up does that mean that youâ€™ll no longer be his kids’ stepmother?â€ Sheâ€™s just trying to figure out this whole modern family thing and howÂ truly insane it can be.
She came home excited one day, two weeks ago, after sheÂ learned from one of her earliest friends that her parents were getting divorced. â€œJustÂ like me!â€ she said. I swear, within one day, I heard that two other sets of parents atÂ her school are now getting a divorce. I heard this not from them, but from otherÂ mothers, and, yes, I did feel bad and sad for them, but I also couldnâ€™t wait to tell myÂ daughter, which I did that night. â€œSee? It happens to a lot of people. Youâ€™re not theÂ only one!â€