Dita Von Teese’s New Line Of Nursing Bras Makes It Obvious She’s Never Had Milk-Filled Boobs

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Dita Von Teese‘s new line of nursing bras is super sexy and adorable. It just also happens to be the last thing I’d want on my body after I gave birth. She brought her signature burlesque style to a line of lingerie for new moms that I’m sure she thought filled a void that’s present in maternity and postpartum wear. And she’s right – there is a serious lack of super sexy nursing bras out there – but there’s a reason for that.


Can you imagine shoving your giant, milk filled boobs into this cute little package? No thanks. The thought of this exquisite lace rubbing up against my chapped nipples also makes me want to cry. Can we not be expected to be sexy for like, five minutes maybe? That would be nice. You can’t tell me this is more comfortable than my ugly cotton nursing bras – you just can’t. Well, you could – but I wouldn’t believe you. Von Teese says about the collection:

“I believe that lingerie can and should be glamorous and functional. Elegant underpinnings are a simple way to create everyday moments of luxury and beauty, and why wouldn’t a new mother enjoy beautiful lingerie, too?”

This bra is so pretty – I just want to put it in a satin box and store it in the lacquered pink armoire I don’t own. I want to look at it in the morning and nestle it into it’s tissue-paper wrapping before I go to bed at night. I don’t want to actually put it on and have milk leak all over it and discolor the lace. This dreamy bra can not meet nursing reality.

It’s $49, but if you buy three you get the fourth free, so – bargain! Do people really own that many bras? Not only is this bra putting my own nursing-wear game to shame, this website is giving me a bra-complex. I’ve never bought more than one bra at a time in my life – and I’m forty. Am I doing life wrong? I’ve often suspected I was.

(photo: Twitter)