DILF Beach: When Did Dads Get So Hot?

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The other morning I schlepped my kids, husband and GBF (gay best friend) to my favorite Saturday haunt – Artscape Wychwood Barns. The space, in midtown Toronto, boasts an awesome water park, fresh farmer’s market, lots of green space and, best of all, some major DILFs.

My childless, shacked-up friend immediately yelled out:

“Ohmigod, what a DILF!”

He had spotted an especially yummy daddy getting down and dirty in the sand – with his 2-year-old.

“They’re everywhere!”

It’s true. This park is home to some serious hot dad eye candy (not that I’m looking).

A DILF, for those who might not know, is an acronym for “Dad I’d Like to [email protected]#k” (derived from the more prevalent MILF nickname for hot moms). He’s the guy you see – clad in a signature white tee, worn-in jeans and Aviator shades – pushing a souped-up Bugaboo along downtown streets, play wrestling with his children in the neighborhood park or feeding them quartered grapes while nursing a coffee at your local hangout. And he’s hot.

Now, before you go accusing me of being sexist or demeaning, know this: all moms strive to be a MILF (they’re lying if they tell you otherwise). Sure, the term itself might be offensive to some. But really, get over it. As a mom, your hair is often unwashed, your clothes are stained with ice cream and three-day-old spit-up, your most notable accessory is your kid – and yet some guy wants to bang you. It’s all very flattering.

Same goes for DILF.

“It’s a compliment,” says Andy Ames, a 35-year old Toronto marketing manager and mom of two. “I mean, seriously, who doesn’t want to think of themselves as doable?”

Ames can recall working at a sporting goods store, at age 17, and noticing the dads who’d show up with their brood:

“They’d be wearing their hipster ‘weekend’ clothes and cool runners, and they’d be so cute interacting with their kids. If they were with their little man they’d be behaving like buddies, or if they were with a daughter they’d be all sweet and protective when she’d get fitted for a bike. They were gentle and confident at the same time, which made them hot.”

MILFs, on the other hand, have one basic requirement: physical hotness. There’s none of that  internal (or external) dialogue that most women have when it comes to sexy dads (when was the last time you spotted two guys checking out a hot mom’s ass, only to follow up with: “Wow, isn’t she amazing with kids? She’s so devoted and committed. That totally gets me hot”). In other words, MILFs need a hot ass, whereas DILFs require something…deeper (though washboard abs don’t hurt).

To be sure, it takes more than a six-pack to qualify as a DILF (because, really, how many dads have washboard abs?). In fact, a modern-day DILF may even be balding or in need of a personal trainer. But he displays a vulnerability that gets us every time.

As my friend Marco puts it:

“There’s a sweetness and realness that can be found in certain dads when they’re around their kids. It’s the image of men you rarely get to see, since in pop culture, most guys are painted as Neanderthal aggressors, freeloading deadbeats or douche bags of the Donald Trump variety. Seeing a man who is empathetic, emotional and in tune to something other than money, sex or career is super hot.”

While most DILFs are oblivious to their covetable status – they’re too busy wiping up snotty noses to notice – they tend to travel in packs. In fact, there’s a specific stretch of sand in the Hamptons that 29-year-old radio producer/reporter Megan Robertson dubs “Hot Dad Beach”:

“Ditch Plains – near the Ditch Witch snack truck – is inhabited almost entirely by them. Someone should make a ‘Hot Dad Beach’ 2011 calendar and sell it at White’s Pharmacy in Montauk. I’d buy that.”

Wives and partners of DILFs need not worry: it’s all in good fun. As Robertson explains:

“On of the rules of checking out Hot Dads is that you must admire from afar. Unless Hot Dad is obviously single, remain at least 20 to 25 feet away at all times. And, please, try not to stare.”

Or, as Marco reasons, hooking up with one would be a disaster:

“Aside from being a homewrecker, you’d eventually have to deal with his MILF-y wife who probably takes boxing and spinning classes four times a week and could kick your ass.”

There’s no shortage of celeb DILFs – Brad Pitt, Mark Wahlberg, Ben Affleck, to name a few – constantly being photographed by the Paparazzi with their mini-mes in tow. They make us swoon.

In real life, though, the average DILF is hot simply because he’s nurturing. Twenty-six-year-old Mia Lewis, another Ditch Plains regular, is attracted to this must-have quality:

“Men are usually portrayed as being in the office or emotionally disconnected – but they strive to be great parents in the same way women do. Seeing them with kids proves that and shows another side that’s very attractive.”

You know that guy in the park with the adorable puppy who’s constantly scoring the chicks? That’s what DILFs are all about. They’re showing that they’re capable of caring for another being; in this day and age, what can be sexier than that?

(Photo: Wanda’s Pictures)