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The Mommyish Guide To Differentiating The Duggars

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5th Annual Values Voter Summit

Ah, the Duggars. Loyal Mommyish readers know that this family is a topic close to my heart. I actually do like watching the show sometimes- the kids can be such sweethearts and it is clear they all love each other very much but of course, there is a lot to criticize too. However, it can be hard to love them or hate them if you can’t tell Jermajesty Duggar from Joshua Duggar (tricked ya there…no Jermajesty…yet). So, us helpful ladies in the Mommyish offices decided it might be a good idea for you all to have a comprehensive reference in order to tell the key adult members of the family apart (I won’t pick apart the little ones…that’s low, even for me). Behold- the Mommyish guide to differentiating the Duggars.

Joshua Duggar

josh duggar

(via Instagram)

The oldest kid in the Duggar clan and the first to have a creepy wedding day first kiss, Josh is starting to make a name for himself in Washington, DC in an attempt to make a go at a career in politics. If the idea of a born-and-raised misogynist having a say in any political policy makes your stomach turn, then join the club. I hate thinking of this creep making decisions about a woman’s uterus when all he has are chaste Duggar balls.

Josh, 26, is married to Anna Keller-Duggar and they already have three kids. It would appear they are making a go at out-procreating Michelle and Jim-Bob. Stay strong, Anna’s Uterus! It’s going to be a long 25 years.

Jana Duggar

jana duggar insta

(via Anna Duggar Instagram)

Jana, otherwise known as the Duggar Spinster, has somehow reached the ripe old age of 24 without having become a broodmare. She is still just a bride of Denim Jesus, living under her parent’s roof and waiting for her prince to come. I can’t help but wonder if she feels left out when she sees her younger sisters being paired off by Pimp Daddy Jim-Bob while she stays home tending to her gaggle of siblings and taking shifts as kitchen servant and laundry room attendant. I do hope she finds a man soon so her life will have some purpose and she can finally dust off that old uterus.

John-David Duggar

john david duggar insta

(via Anna Duggar Instagram)

John-David, twin brother of Jana, has the least remarkable personality of all adult Duggars. There isn’t much I can glean other than he enjoys working as a firefighter and also owns a towing company. He is basically the Duggar’s most eligible bachelor right now at 24 years old so get ready for some future Hand-Sex with some lucky young woman.

Jill Duggar-Dillard

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(via Jill Duggar Instagram)

Jill may be the most newsworthy Duggar of 2014. Jill was recently married to Derick Dillard and is now pregnant with what will be the first of many future  #babydillies. This is all under a shroud of suspicion that she and her betrothed participated in pre-marital Sexy Time due to the insanely fast pregnancy announcement they came out with mere weeks after their wedding. I don’t really buy it- my guess is that this wedding was timed to coincide with Jill’s fertile period for maximum immediate pregnancy potential. Yes, I have given this a great deal of thought. For now, Jill is busy registering for Fanta, waxing poetic about barfing for her baby and missing her hubby Derick during laundry time.

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