Most Ridiculous Fidelity Study Ever Claims Designer Handbags Fend Off Homewreckers

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shutterstock_144235003__1374938967_142.196.156.251Well, it’s too bad I can’t afford a designer handbag because a new study says carrying one is a sure-fire way to keep all those ladies out to steal my husband and ruin my life at bay.

A new study out of the University of Minnesota claims that carrying a designer bag may actually be a way to keep men from cheating. What kind of stereotypical, horse-shit “study” is this?

“It might seem irrational that each year Americans spend over $250 billion on women’s luxury products with an average woman acquiring three new handbags a year, but conspicuous consumption is actually smart for women who want to protect their relationship,” said Vladas Griskevicius, one of study’s authors. “When a woman is flaunting designer products, it says to other women ‘back off my man.'”

Really? When I see a woman flaunting designer products all I think is, That woman has an amazing purse. Sometimes there’s a little I wish I could afford that purse thrown into it, but never once have I thought, Oooh, she must have a fantastic man buying her that purse! What kind of sexist crap is that?

“We found that a woman who is wearing luxury items and designer brands is perceived to have a more devoted partner and as a result other women are less likely to flirt with him,” Wang said. “Regardless of who actually purchased the items, other women inferred that the man had something to do with it and is thus more devoted to her.”

Oh, okay. So infidelity happens when a woman decides to sink her claws into an unsuspecting married man, right? It has almost nothing to do with men deciding to be unfaithful. If women didn’t make the first move there would be almost no cheating! So hurry up and get your designer bags, ladies, and fend off all of those would-be homewreckers!

His “research” involved making women jealous by having some random people flirt with their men. After they experienced these feelings of jealousy, they were asked a seemingly unrelated task – to draw a luxury logo on a handbag. “When women felt jealous, they drew designer logos that were twice the size of those in the other conditions.” Um, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that when people are pissed off their movements are just more sweeping and extreme. Have you ever seen an Italian family argue?

The study involved a few other random experiments of 649 women of varying ages. This is really research time well spent. Past studies by Griskevicius included one which found that “men often seek expensive products to show off to the opposite sex in order to attract them as mates.” Right. Because women fall in love with objects, not humans.


(photo: Cedric Weber/ Shutterstock)