giving birth

Anonymous Mom: I Had One Baby At Home. And I’m TERRIFIED To Do It Again

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If I were to have my next baby in the hospital I fear that I would have to fight against the establishment every step of the way in order to achieve the things that are important to me. I don’t want to be hooked up to an IV, wear a gown and wristband, sit under florescent lights, and labor on my back in bed. I don’t want to be forbidden to eat or do anything that might interrupt the constant flow of data from the EFM.

I don’t want to be cared for by whomever happens to be on call that I’ve never met before. I don’t want to be wide open to hospital germs and multiple sets of hands as shifts change. I don’t want to be put on a timeline or hear about one more person who “fails to progress.” I don’t want the Pitocin that causes unnaturally strong contractions that causes you to need the epidural that causes the next domino to fall. I don’t want the epidural that doesn’t take, or doesn’t last, or only works on one side, or leaves the “patient” with a headache for days or weeks, with back pain for months or years. I don’t want someone to have to tell me when to push because I have no sensation at all.

I certainly don’t want an episiotomy or a forceps or vacuum delivery, or a C-section and the mess that that entails. I don’t want the baby to be separated from me for a single second. Ever. I don’t want the cord cut immediately, my placenta discarded. I don’t want gel in my baby’s eyes (just in case I have gonorrhea), I don’t want Vitamin K shot into her (just in caseshe gets a bleeding cut before she’s 8 days old), I don’t want her vaccinated against Hep B on her first day of life (just in case I irresponsibly don’t get her vaccinated before she has sex or starts shooting heroin). I don’t want any of these things or anything at all to interfere with our immediate bonding time or breastfeeding.

I’ll tell you what else I don’t want­ though— the pain.

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