If You’re Dealing With Infertility, It’s Normal To Be Insanely Jealous Of Your Pregnant Friends


Now that I have two kids of my own, I rarely think about the time I spent convinced I would never have children. It was a painful five years for sure, so maybe I’ve just buried it under the rug.  There was one thing in particular that was really hard to deal with at times – my pregnant friends.

After my second miscarriage, I had a friend who was going through basically the same thing. We had both miscarried within months of each other. A few months later, we both got pregnant. When she was six weeks along she confided in me by showing me her early ultrasound. It was then I shared my news too, and we realized we had the same due date. It was kind of amazing, having both had multiple miscarriages, that we were in the same boat at the same time.

It was nice to have that buddy; we both weren’t telling anyone yet so we had each other to talk to. She shared her news at about 10 weeks. I decided I would wait until my 12 week ultrasound. The night before my 12 week ultrasound I started bleeding really heavily and went to the ER. The night before. Mother Nature is a total bitch. I was miscarrying again.

She was the most wonderful, sensitive amazing friend to me through the whole ordeal, but I can’t even tell you how hard it was to watch her pregnancy progress. Every glimpse I caught of her growing belly was a reminder of where I was supposed to be.

Around the same time I had a friend who became pregnant. She had been there with me through my miscarriage as well. She actually came to visit me the day after I got back from the hospital. We got over the doom and gloom talk about the details of what I had just been through, and eventually the topic moved to her life. She confided that her and her husband had stopped using birth control. She was pregnant in weeks.

Although both of these women were wonderful, caring friends to me – it was hard not to occasionally find myself avoiding them or feeling pangs of jealousy. I was happy for them, but at the same time constantly wondering, Why not me? It made me feel horrible to know that I harbored weird, jealous feelings towards my friends. I’m not that person. It was a difficult time for me.

I’m recounting all this to say – if you are dealing with infertility and find yourself internally struggling with these feelings – it’s totally normal. Once I started opening up about what I was going through, I actually had many women confide that they had been through the same thing. You’re not a bad friend. Infertility can just turn you into a jealous, judgy monster sometimes.

Nobody’s perfect.

(photo: Aleksandar Mijatovic / Shutterstock)

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