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I Accidentally Got A Dreaded ‘Mom Haircut’ And I May Never Leave My House Again

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momhaircutWhen it comes to moms and how they look and what they should wear and what they shouldn’t wear and how society tells us we should look and how the media tells us we should look and that ENTIRE huge mom-judgey cacophony of nonsense we are subjected to everyday, I’ll be the first to tell you that you should look however you want. There is no such things as a MILF. There is no such thing as MOM JEANS. Your post-baby body is fine exactly how it is and I don’t care if you are wearing a kitten sweatshirt and yoga pants or a midriff top and you have your naval pierced multiple times, your body, and how you look, and what you weigh or don’t weigh and what size you are or aren’t is no one’s business but yours. That being said, I have so much sympathy for moms unhappy with how they look because this weekend I totally on accident went and got myself a brand spankin’ new MOM haircut.

Screen Shot 2013-09-16 at 7.11.58 AMI never knew there was such a thing as a mom haircut. Until I looked in the mirror when my stylist was done cutting my hair. It’s like she magically KNEW that women of a certain age, who come in and ask for a bob with layers have given into the fact that they are MOMS and they want something “shorter and easier to care for.” I did everything one is supposed to do when getting a haircut. I brought in a photograph. I discussed things like my face shape and hair texture and consulted with two different people on what my hair would look like when my cut was completed. It should be noted that previous to this, my hair was in condition that can only be described as utter garbage hair. It was completely over-processed due to a summer of bleach and lilac manic panic and when my hair was wet it had the consistency of overcooked pasta. It was so porous it took hours to dry. Even with losing length and deep conditioning treatments I knew I had to lose a lot more length to start growing it back out again. I just didn’t realize how utterly dumb I would look.

My husband, bless his heart, says I look “hot.” My kids all said they like it. I want to never, ever leave the house again, at least until it grows out.

I know how incredibly shallow I sound. I know there are still homeless people and world hunger is still an issue and all that. I know my hair will grow again and I can try and style it different ways and maybe in a few weeks I can get highlights or something to make me feel less dumpy. But I’m still all depressed about this.

My cute little twinsets and pearls that I used to wear that made me feel all Mad Men-esque and retro bombshell-y? Now I look like Betty Draper when she dyed her hair dark, but the frumpy older version. Now I look like my style is conducive to lunching at the country club and clipping coupons.

And no, you can’t see it.

I never realized how much my hair was important to my own personal MOM IMAGE until I got most of it cut off. It is now chin-length. It has always been down to my shoulders or longer. Before haircut, when I felt super dumpy or gross and my jeans looked bad or my eyes looked tired I could always hot roller my hair and tease it to heaven and feel like an insta-vixen. Now I just gotta wait for it to grow.

I don’t care how moms look. I think every mom is gorgeous in her own way and should look however she wants and I hate the whole conversation about how a mom should or shouldn’t look. I just know personally that when I googled “mom hair” for this article and the above image came up, I wanted to cry. I’m a mom. You can tell by my haircut.

(Image: Tumblr)