10 Ways Daylight Saving Time Is Going To Ruin Your Life This Weekend

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Twice a year, most of us in North America and Europe tamper with our clocks. Each time, as I recall the chaos that ensues with the changing of the clocks, I’m filled with a simmering anticipatory fury, and a fuzzy, slightly confused brain after the fact. What began as a German energy-saving scheme during World War I still haunts us today.

Here are the 10 reasons behind my loathing of the dreaded Daylight Saving Time.

1. Stupid Name.
The title itself, Daylight Saving Time, is a big, fat lie. Besides the fact that most people say Daylight Savings Time, which is incorrect, we’re not actually saving daylight. We’re just shifting it around. Let’s call it what it is: Daylight Manipulation Time. Or, perhaps more accurately, Dicking-up Sleepy Time.

2. It’s Creepy.

For some reason, the idea of an hour being either bestowed or stolen beneath the navy veil of night troubles me. Particularly when the time change begins, I can’t help but envision an evil witch cackling as she snatches away that extra hour of holy sleep.

3. Bedtime Mayhem.
If this was the only reason to despite Daylight Saving Time, it’d be enough. Most parents of small children shudder at the thought of tweaking with their children’s bedtimes. Adding or subtracting an entire hour makes an unpleasant task even more heinous. If I try to prepare ahead of time, slowly adjusting my kids to the new schedule, it’s too damned hard. Because math. While proficient in basic arithmetic, there’s something about calculating what a lost or extra hour will mean that makes my brain dazed and sad.

4. Early to Rise.
Similarly, that extra hour continues to haunt parents in the morning. My son will likely be rising around 4:30 come Sunday morning, shortly after which he will cheerfully awaken me by prying my eyelids open. Things will get even worse when I stumble downstairs, only to realize I forgot to set the time back an hour on my coffeemaker.

5. Clock Block.
Some clocks, like the one on my phone and computer, change by themselves. Other clocks protest, stubbornly staying stuck at the ”old time.” Every time I change the clock in my car, I have to refer to the manual, which means I generally leave it on ”regular time” for a few weeks, causing me mild panic as I try to figure out what the fuck time it actually is.

6. Meals.

Losing an hour means I have to wait an hour extra to get my food on. Hungry, exhausted mom with Halloween-hungover kids equals mom-pocalyse.

7. It’s Deadly.
A recent study found that the Monday after DST begins, heart attack rates jump by an alarming 25%. Researchers theorize that veering from our circadian rhythm and losing that hour of spring sleep may exacerbate underlying heart problems. Even our hearts hate Daylight Saving Time!

 8. It’s Deadly, Part II.
Pedestrian fatality rates go through the roof in the first weeks after we set our clocks back. The theory is that drivers aren’t yet used to driving home in the dark, leaving pedestrians to drop like flies.

9. You Aren’t My Sunshine.
If you’re a parent of young children, chances are you don’t get to use that extra hour of evening daylight in the summertime. Which means the chipper blare of the sun through your windows only serves as a reminder of all the things you don’t get to do at night. Because kids. Even if you happen to catch a babysitter and join the people of the night? You know you’ll suffer for it in the morning, when your kids wake you up.

10. Arizona and Hawaii have figured this out.
What more will it take to stop this evil manipulation of time?!?

(Photo: Shutterstock)

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