Childrearing

Sexy Dad David Beckham Has Fighting Words For The Busybodies Complaining About His Daughter’s Pacifier

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david-beckham-harperWhat would the faux-concerned busybodies of the world do if there were no celebrity children to pretend to be worried about? I can only imagine they’d get really into macrame if someone took away their ability to pretend to be really, really concerned about poor, underprivileged 4-year-old Harper Beckham.

(Related: The Existence Of An $85,000 Pacifier Makes Me Doubt Humanity)

David and Victoria Beckham’s adorable little girl was the center of an Instagram comment and Daily Mail-fueled drama bomb over the weekend when some paparazzi photographed her using a pacifier. Harper is four, so immediately the investigative journalists at the Daily Mail smelled Pulitzer and started calling childcare experts who have never met the Beckhams to weigh in on all the terrible things that can happen if a 4-year-old uses a pacifier.

After the plague of locusts, zombie apocalypse, and rain of frogs, some of the most common results of extended pacifier use are dental problems and delayed speech, according to a former midwife who picked up the phone when The Daily Mail called.

“‘I can’t believe she is still using a dummy. If she has a dummy in their mouth at this age, at four, it really can damage her teeth and it is very likely to hinder speech development,” said former midwife and current childcare expert Clare Byam-Cook. “You are far less likely to speak if you have a dummy in your mouth than if your mouth is free. Many dentists will agree that dummy use at this age really is not good.”

And not only are David and Victoria Beckham condemning their own daughter to a lifetime of toothless silence, they are actually cursing all the children of the world to the same fate, because they are famous people and thus obviously making parenting decisions for everybody.

“like it or not, they are role models and lots of people will see this and think that having a dummy at this age is normal when it is not,” she said.

This is a disaster of international importance. Maybe someone should try to diagnose the problem?

“It could be last child syndrome – because she is the youngest David and Victoria could be clinging on to her being a baby,” said Byam-Cook.

This is obviously ridiculous. A little girl was seen out with a pacifier. Maybe she still uses one. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well. Maybe she’s on her way to a rave. There is no need to alert Scotland Yard. But then hot dad David Beckham jumped to respond to the ridiculousness, and now he seems even hotter.

“Why do people feel they have the right to criticize a parent about their own children without having any facts??” he posted to Instagram. “Everybody who has children knows that when they aren’t feeling well or have a fever you do what comforts them best and most of the time it’s a pacifier, so those who criticize think twice about what you say about other people’s children because actually you have no right to criticize me as a parent …”

Beckham is so great. I want to give him a high-five for that speech. Or maybe one of those friendly butt-pats that football players do to show each other that they’ve done well.

H/T Jezebel

 (Photo by Jeff Vespa / Getty Images for Burberry)