sex and pregnancy
Sorry Dads, Resenting Your Unborn Baby For Ruining Your Sex Life Is Absurdâ€
Hey dads, I get it. You are used to being number one in your wife’s eyes and getting all of her attention. It makes sense- when a couple is married and no kids are involved, there is more time for affection and sex. However, when a baby comes into the picture, and even during pregnancy, it is completely normal for everything to change. Your wife is chock full of hormones, not feeling like herself and sex might be the last thing she feels like doing. And that’s ok. What’s not ok is resenting your unborn baby for ruining your sex life, which is exactly what this Reddit dad seems to be doing:
I’m going to admit right now that I am not the most sympathetic to dudes when it comes to their pregnant wives and the newborn phase. A pregnant woman is going through so much. Her changing body, fluctuating hormones and the knowledge that her life really will never be the same. Most new dads (unless they are going to be a stay at home parent) take a few days off and then go back to work. Essentially, unchanged. They can still wear their pre-baby clothes. They don’t have to take pumping breaks or panic about maternity leave and the security of their job. Of course their lives are completely different but it can in no way compare to the changes a mother goes through when a new baby enters the family. It is so normal for his wife to be preoccupied and not in the mood for sex.
That said, this dad really and truly needs to pull his head out of his butt. Maybe he should wonder why his wife is flinching and pulling away. If he is this focused on himself and how his wife is not paying enough attention to him, maybe he should consider that SHE might be bitter that her husband isn’t showing enough interest in their baby. She can probably sense the resentment and I can’t imagine that makes her feel very loving toward him. She might be laying in bed at night, rubbing her belly, and wondering why her husband is just asking for sex when there is so much else going on in their life with a new baby on the way. Or maybe she is just tired and hormonal or feels unattractive. All would be valid feelings, no question.
I don’t think these feelings mean he will be a terrible parent and I understand his fear that his marriage will never be the same but what did he think was going to happen when his wife got pregnant? Did he honestly think everything would be like it was before? I’m glad he acknowledges that his feelings of resentment toward his unborn baby are totally wrong and it’s good that he is reaching out for help but I think what he obviously needs to do is talk to his wife. Maybe if he opened up about his concerns she could reassure him that everything will be fine. Just different. And the “been there, done that” mom in me also wants to say- if you think pregnancy is changing things, wait until the baby is here. I really hope this guy gets some perspective and figures out how to accept that he is no longer his wife’s sole focus. Otherwise, he is in for a rough adjustment when their baby comes.