15 Stupid-Funny Dad Jokes You Can Use To Embarrass Your Kids
My husband was obviously born to be a dad because he has perfected the art of dad jokes. If you don’t know what a dad joke is, just think of a ridiculous pun or an insufferably cheesy joke that you may find on the wrapper of a candy barâ€”and congrats, you’re a professional comedian.
It’s not my husband’s fault really, it’s in his genes. His penchant for dad jokes was passed on from his forefathers. My father-in-law is the worst offender of them all.
My husband told me about this hilarious Reddit thread calledâ€”you guessed itâ€”Dad Jokes. True to form, one Redditor said, “I showed my dad the Dad Jokes subreddit, and he said, ‘I don’t get it. These are just normal jokes.'” TouchÃ©, Dad, TouchÃ©.
You might be a dad if you think these “hilarious” Reddit jokes are knee-slappingly funny:
1. Everytime we drive up north for the Holidays we pass by the same shop to get something to eat.
Dad: “Oi buz, you want a piecost?”
Me: “What’s a piecost?”
Dad: “About $4.50”
2. My dad is a police officer and I was on a ride-along with him. He and his partner arrested a guy for shoplifting. As the perp, whose name is “Unique,” is sitting in the back of the car, my dad walks up, looks at me smiling, and says to the suspect “how do you catch a unique criminal? Unique up on em!” He and his partner laughed and high-fived, then just shut the door.
3. “I’ve got my left knee, my right knee, and my weenie…” Thanks for reminding us about your genitals, dad.
4. Other Person: Is this butter? (Asking everyone in line) Me: It butter be.
5. On our way to breakfast, we passed a restaurant called Fogata’s…
Wife: I haven’t heard anything good or bad about this place.
Me: Oh I have. But I fogata bout it.
6. Dad: Why does our president visit the gastroenterologist frequently?
Dad: Because he can’t stop Putin.
7. Me and my dad went to see iron man 2 (I think?).. I’m pretty sure this is the one with the scene of Thor’s hammer at the end of the credits. Well anyway, right after that after-credits scene my dad stands up, stretches, and announces “man that scene has me thor all over!”
8. Whenever someone says, “I’m going to call my friend,” I always respond with, “what are you going to call him?” Every damn time.
9. Sister: Dad can we get an otter? Dad: Sorry sweetie, the otters have to stay on the otter side of that glass.
10. Why did the lion keep losing at poker? He was playing with a bunch of cheetah’s.
11. “Ouch, I cut myself pretty bad.”
Me: “oh no! Are you ok?!”
“Careful, that cheese is extra sharp!”
12. What did the shoes say to the pants? What’s up, britches!
13. My buddy got a vasectomy yesterday, and afterward he was telling me he was kept awake through the whole thing and actually smelled the cauterization. “Did it smell similar to pork, or was there a vas deferens?”
14. Him: I have no clue which sausage to buy. What do you recommend? Me: Well, I don’t know which one is the best, but I can tell you which one is the wurst!
15. Sister: “I don’t like brocolli rabe.” Dad: “WHAT ABOUT BROCOLLI STEVE?!”