A Stay At Home Dad Can Complain About How Tired He Is Without Being Called A ‘Martyr.’ No Fair

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shutterstock_91668230__1404246498_142.196.167.223Nothing makes the societal expectations between fathers and mothers more clear than a post written by a stay at home dad, in which he admits how hard it is to run a household. The internet loves these posts. When a stay at home mom does the same thing, she’s called a “martyr.” The internet does not love “mom martyrs.”

I’m talking about this viral post by the blogger who goes by the name Daddy Fishkins, An Apology To All Stay At Home Moms. Basically, the roles in his household have been switched and now he’s the stay at home parent and his wife is the breadwinner:

I owe an apology to women everywhere, specifically, stay at home moms. A lot of men who think that they are the “bread winners” of a family, have this notion that mothers who stay at home with the kids all day are…in a way…either not pulling their weight or just sitting around, doing nothing the entire day. I’m a bit guilty of this.  In the past, I would often times get agitated with my wife when certain things around the house didn’t get done by the time I got home from work. I was guilty of thinking more than once “it must be nice to sit around all day and watch TV”.

How wrong was I? Dead wrong.

Yeah. No shit.

I mean, were your kids fed and alive? Was there food in the fridge? Were you able to walk into the front door without being stopped by a pile of all of your belongings? Do people really not concept how hard it is to keep a household running?

I like this guy, I really do. He makes a list of all of the things he does all day that may seem really basic, but take time and energy and can sometimes be almost impossible if you have a toddler running around:

10: 30 A.M: The 18 month old naps while the 3 year old watches TV, plays with her toys, and asks me a question every 20 seconds.

10:35 A.M:I finally take a shower.

10:45 A.M: Diaper Change (The stinky kind)

11:00 A.M – 12:00 P.M: I manage to sit down and get a few things done for work.


12:00 – 12:30 P.M: The kids eat lunch, surprise more chicken! while I do a modest attempt at trying to keep the kitchen clean while cooking their 7 course meal.

12:30 P.M – 2: 00 P.M: I finally get to clean the kitchen and do some laundry. If I’m lucky I get to pick up some of the 19,000+ toys and blocks laying on the living room floor. I’m super lucky if I can get through the living room without stepping on one of those extremely sharp toys that Toy companies think are safe to sell to children. It’s like walking through a landmine, in a house full of hostile terrorists.

2:00 P.M – 2:30 P.M: I get the girls dressed so we can walk down to the bus stop. Yes, THEY ARE STILL IN THEIR PAJAMAS.

The post was shared thousands of times on Facebook. It got hundreds of comments. Can you imagine what would happen if a stay-at-home-mom wrote this? Instead of hundreds of comments saying “good job” or “thank you” – it would be more like, Clean your house, slacker! Your kids are still in their pajamas at 2pm? What kind of a mother are you? 

I just don’t understand how someone could think that being home all day with kids was easy. They constantly need stuff. They’re constantly making stuff dirty. They have to be watched. Their asses need to be wiped. Does that sound like a relaxing vacation to you?

I’m glad this dad shed a light on how difficult it is to stay home and care for kids. I just wish people would believe moms when they said it, too. I scrolled through hundreds of comments and didn’t see the word “martyr” once.

(photo: Everett Collection/ Shutterstock)