STFU Parents: Parents, Please Keep Your Sex And Love Lives Off Facebook

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Last week, we talked about one version (the creepy one) of a mother’s love. But you know what else can be kind of icky? Parents’ love — for each other. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of sex and love on a personal level. I’ve been in a relationship with my main squeeze for nearly a decade, and I’m grateful for the love we share. But that’s the most you’ll ever hear me talk about our relationship on social media. I tend to keep that stuff private, even in spite of the fact that it’s become extremely common for couples to profess their love for each other online. That said, there’s a difference between public love notes written by kid-free couples and notes that are written by parents. They’re all equally annoying, in my opinion, but parents have a leg up on the TMI updates due to all things love + baby.

When you’re writing love notes on Facebook as a parent, suddenly the love can be about so much more stuff that no one wants to hear about. You’ve crossed a threshold of sorts. You’ve wiped your baby’s ass together. You’ve (probably) gone through childbirth together. And those things translate into the kind of intimacy that truly doesn’t belong on social media. Young love is about mushy feelings and “I love you’s.” Parent love is about mushy diapers and “I love you’s.” Neither really deserves a place on Facebook, but the latter often takes things to another, more extreme level. Here are a few examples to show you what I mean:

1. Conception Anniversaries

couples on facebook

Conception anniversaries started becoming popular non-holidays a couple of years ago, and they’ve really ramped up on social media since then. Where else can you unassumingly congratulate yourself for conceiving a baby than on Facebook? I like the way Jennifer confusedly asks if it’s the twins’ birthday and Emilie pops in to correct her. No, Jennifer, today is their conception day, not their birthday. DUH. Can’t you read?!

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