Nothing Says ‘Happy Halloween’ Like Death Threats Over A Canceled Costume Parade

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crying baby in halloween hatThe school district of Newington, Connecticut has come under fire for canceling in-school Halloween costume parades this year. Angry parent emails and calls have been incoming, of course, but that’s not all. People have been sending school officials death threats over their decision. Death threats? What the hell? Well, as it turns out, the thing that’s gotten everyone’s pumpkin-printed panties in a twist is the scariest specter of all: that of “political correctness”. The horrors! The horrors!

Newington is still allowing Halloween-themed lessons and even an after-school costume party, but district Superintendent William Collins outlined the district’s intentions for canceling costume parades and prohibiting in-class costume wearing: it’s distracting, it’s a waste of valuable pedagogical time, it’s hard on students who aren’t able to come in costumes. These are all the usual reasons schools have been cutting back on school day holiday festivities (or, you know, feeding the golden calf of Political Correctness with the tears of children), but what hopefully isn’t usual is getting threatened with death over the subject:

There were no policy changes or district directives mandating any changes in the name of “political correctness”. It wasn’t until we began receiving threatening and hateful phone calls and emails from national extremist groups that I formed an opinion on the subject of Halloween costumes in our schools.

You guys, I am tired of reading stories where the elementary schoolers come out looking like some of the most mature individuals involved. The phrase “political correctness” has been slung around so much that it’s come to mean very little, but from what I can gather, the actual meaning is something like, “things that confuse, frighten, or anger my tiny dinosaur brain”. I guess there’s nothing more un-P.C. than trying to terrorize people into giving you your way. Now those are some old-school values right there!

I’m also wondering what national extremist groups are involved. Stormfront? Free Republic? 4chan? All of the above? I don’t think any of those groups have ever met a completely innocuous decision that they couldn’t interpret as a threat to their freedoms (freedumbs?). Also, I can’t wait for someone to try to convince me that the hate mail and threats these school authorities are receiving is really just about ethics in video games journalism.

I don’t care how cute your kid would have been in the hand-sewn costume you put 70 hours into. I don’t care how much you spent on that Pottery Barn costume. And I really, really don’t care if you perceive it as a condemnation of your way of life that teachers and principals would rather spend a school day actually teaching instead of telling Colton to stop hitting Madalyn with the tail of his lion costume and telling Lindzy and Kaitalynn not to fence with their fairy wands. As it turns out, canceling Halloween parades is not about you and your persecution complex. And for a lot of the people up in arms about this decision, that just might be the scariest thing of all.

(Image: Hannamariah/Shutterstock)