Daddyshame

8 Reasons Your House Will Never Be Clean If You Have Kids

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cleaning mom and kid I was browsing Reddit while waiting for the laundry to finish drying yesterday and came across this post asking for advice about cleaning baby pee from a nice couch. Once I stopped laughing and read the thread for helpful hints, because hey, who hasn’t been there, I realized cleaning your house once you have kids comes with unique challenges. Having a clean house with kids is a nice goal, but here’s why it’s unlikely to happen.

 1. Bodily fluids aren’t just in the bathroom.

Wiping up a bathroom is disgusting enough, but trying to both clean up poop and save the carpet you got as a wedding gift from your MIL, least she thinks you ruined it on purpose, is a certain brand of torture.

2. No matter how often you vacuum, the carpet will always be crunchy.

Try as you might to keep the eating in the kitchen, crumbs still manage to make their way all over the house. Whoever thought up the concept of an open floor plan most definitely did not have toddlers.

3. You no longer know exactly what color your walls are.

Are they beige? Cream? Hard to tell anymore, but that smear of strawberry jam in the dining room is making you think that’s a perfect shade for an accent wall.

4. “Clean” clothes is a relative term.

Clothes that are clean enough to wear in public and clothes that are clean enough to wear around the house are two completely different things once you’re a parent. And if your child is sick, be it in public or at home, that shirt you are wearing is now a walking Kleenex.

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