Christina Aguilera Calls Mickey Mouse An A**hole Because Wearing That Suit Isn’t Punishment Enough

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mickeyChristina Aguilera recently went to Disneyland with a group of friends to celebrate her 34th birthday, because that’s what any of us would do if we didn’t have to wait in line and got free churros. Things took a dark turn, however, when out of nowhere Mickey Mouse put out his cigarette in Aguilera’s hair and slapped her baby.

…Actually, he just asked her to wait for a photo because he was going on break. But, you know. Same difference.

Being asked to wait for a photo infuriated Aguilera, who, according to reports, then called Mickey an “a**hole” and pulled the old “do you know who I am” schtick. And she was part of the Mickey Mouse Club in the nineties! That mouse took her in when she had no money and her old nose, and this is the thanks he gets?

Her entourage then got in on the mouse-bashing:

The Disney mascot was “ushered to a safe zone” and “security was called” to the scene after Aguilera’s entourage apparently threatened the mouse but the gang had already left the area before they got there…

Let me repeat that here in case you missed it: Mickey Mouse had to be “ushered to a safe zone.” That, my friends, may be my favorite sentence of the entire year.

Anyone who has ever worked a terrible, low-paying job knows that your breaks are the best part of your day. It’s the time when you can sit down and say all the hateful words that have been filling your head during your shift. The people who work in these costumes at Disney need their breaks.They’ve been creepily friendly for hours. They’ve been sweating like bastards in those costumes. They’ve had kids scream at them and pee on them. Breaks are necessary for their mental health.

If Dinsey characters don’t get their breaks on time, you’re going to see the ugly side of the most magical place on earth: Goofy and Donald Duck will be brawling on the streets of Toon Town; Minnie Mouse will tell your seven-year-old to go suck a bag of dicks when asked for an autograph; and all seven dwarves will have to hold Snow White back so she doesn’t slap the tiara off of Cinderella.

Is that the Disney you want, Aguilera? No? Then let the man take his fifteen minutes and don’t screw this up for the rest of us.

(Photo: Feature Flash / Shutterstock)