10 Problems With Sending Your Heathen Kids To Church Run Daycare

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I wouldn’t call myself an atheist by any means, but I don’t identify with any particular organized religion. Jesus seems like a swell guy, as does Buddha and Krishna. My plan has always been to expose my children to the basic teachings of a variety of religions – as I believe they are all pretty much in line with each other. Don’t lie, cheat, steal, hurt people or be a jerk.

That’s why I was a little unprepared when the church run daycare in my city revealed itself as the best financial option for us. Actually, it wasn’t just the best financially – the place is fantastic. It’s run like a little school; there are six classrooms with kids from two years old to pre-K. My child will be able to stay in one place until he goes to kindergarten, and will also get used to moving into a new classroom at the start of a new year and having a new teacher. I love it. But as we were touring the school, we walked in on a class praying before story time. Hmm. There are a few things to think about if you are not particularly religious but decide to put your child in a church run daycare.

1. The whole ‘Jesus’ thing.

A week before my son’s first day at daycare, I was scrambling to introduce him to Jesus. It was a crash course. By the end of the week I could pick up any of the Orthodox icons I have laying around the house and say – Who’s this Lucien? JESUS!! IT’S JESUS! One problem with sending your child to church run daycare is that he pretty much has to know who Jesus is – or he’ll be really confused.

2. You have no problem with taking the Lord’s name in vain. Either does your child.

Everyone has their thing. Mine is Jesus Christ! I say it way too much. I say it when I’m frustrated. When I’m confused. When I’m surprised. Needless to say, it’s rubbed off on my 3-year-old. If he hasn’t said it during story time yet – it’s coming.

3. He makes you question your rituals when he starts praying before he eats.

He said a prayer before we ate last week and I thought, “this is kind of lovely.” Why not give some sort of blessing or thanks before a meal? It’s communal, it’s a bonding ritual and  it doesn’t necessarily have to be to “GOD.”

4. There will be pro-life propaganda.

Oh my God. The Knights of something have a table set up in the entrance of the church with all of this anti-choice propaganda on it. You’ll have to ignore that.

5. There will be religious crafts.

easter craft angels at tomb

I personally love religious icons and art so I really don’t care if my son brings home a cross. I’d probably be a little weirded out if they made him nail a Jesus fashioned from pipe cleaners to it – but so far that hasn’t happened.

6. God will be seriously injected into every holiday.

All of our major holidays revolve around God, did you know that? You will now. “Put the Christ back in Christmas.”

7. There will be a lot of “blessings.”

You’re blessed. He’s blessed. She’s blessed. We’re all blessed. This word is used a lot in a church environment. Get used to it. Blessings!

8. You will feel like a fraud.

Occasionally you may find yourself pretending to be more religious than you are. Hasn’t happened to me yet, but I see the potential.

9. Your three-year old will teach you about being open-minded.

Humbling, yes.

10. It will be hard to figure out the other parents.

Are they also frauds who are jumping on the Jesus train to get affordable daycare? Who can tell?