New Ghostbusters Won’t Ruin Anyone’s Childhood, But Not Having Female Role Models Might

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crying man babyIf you don’t have a giant baby-man in your circle of friends, you might not be aware of the latest threat to American childhood: the announcement of a new Ghostbusters movie that’s being made with an all-female cast. Yes, by the mere report of its existence, this single reboot is going to retroactively erase everything good and lovable about the original film from history. What a travesty!

But, being the hairy-legged feminist stick-in-the-mud that I am, I can’t help but think that maybe there is something ever so slightly worse than what these great big diaper-babies are whimpering about. You know what’s a little bit worse than seeing one of your favorite classic movies remade with women in the lead roles? Not having any favorite classic movies with women in the lead role. But what do I know? Clearly I will never understand the profound pain these people are experiencing:

childhood ruined 1 childhood ruined 2childhood ruined 3It’s not clear how, exactly, the new all-lady Ghostbusters is going to retcon the comedy of Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd out of existence. Perhaps as part of her contract, Kristen Wiig has required the studio to build her a functioning time machine so she can travel back in time to 1984 to stop the original movie from being made? But having been around for the ’80s myself, I can say it is pretty clear that we’re doing girls a real disservice by not giving them movies about female archaeologists and female Jedi Knights and, yes, female Ghostbusters, too.

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