8 Ill-Advised Options For Baby Storage

woman-looking-in-car-trunkDo you know those first few weeks of your baby’s life, where you’re looking around the room or the house or just contemplating the big, terrible world and all you can see are things that can maim or destroy your child? You suddenly see everything through a Final Destination filter and start throwing your possessions in the garbage; this snow globe has to go, this commemorative hand-painted chainsaw, and that collection of rusting, poorly secured katanas, too.

The recollection of that feeling is what caused me to literally flinch while reading the story of Breona Synclair Watkins, a Florida mother who put her five-month old infant in the trunk of her car. She put the baby there because she was afraid of getting in trouble for not having a carseat for the infant to ride in. Of course, this is a very reasonable way to handle the fear of getting in trouble, when you’re about eight. So to help Watkins out, I put together this small explainer of places to not put your baby:

1. On a 14-year-old’s lap

According to The Daily News, the infant didn’t start out in the trunk. The infant started out on the lap of Watkins’ 14-year-old companion, who was sitting up front. Once they were pulled over Watkins asked her friend to stick the baby in the trunk through a hole in the backseat. No.

2. In the trunk of your car

Obviously. Watkins was pulled over for running a red light and having a missing headlight, which is when an officer heard crying from the trunk. He presumable then said, “Get out of there, baby. Babies do not go in trunks. Silly baby.”

3. On top of a rusted pair of gardening shears

If you’re going to stick a baby in a trunk, at least clear a spot first. The baby does not go on rusty garden shears.

4. On top of a rusty clothes hanger

No one should be lying on rusty clothes hangers, but the baby with the soft spot on their head especially should not be chilling in your trunk on top of a rusty hanger.

5. On top of a rusted tire iron

Babies don’t even know how to change tires.

6. On anything rusty

The only rusty things in Watkins’ trunk were the iron, shears, and hanger, but you should always consider nestling your child in soft blankets as opposed to rusty metal.

7. Near a pile of plastic bags

While it’s true that babies love plastic bags (Who doesn’t?? They’re a laugh riot!) it isn’t recommended that you let your child play with or otherwise flail around in the trunk of your car with plastic bags nearby.

8. Next to a used gas can

Everyone knows that you should always ride around with a full  gas can in your trunk. Just in case you run out of gas.

In any case, Watkins predictably got in a shit ton more trouble for stashing her infant in the trunk of her car than she ever would have by just owning up to not having a carseat, and has been charged with :”child abuse without great bodily harm, obstruction without violence, operating a vehicle without a valid driver’s license, driving an unsafe vehicle, disobeying a traffic device, driving without a child restraint and without a safety belt for a passenger under the age of 18.”

Remember, kids, no one puts baby in the corner (of the rear compartment of your vehicle meant for storing groceries, the towel used to mop up chocolate milk out of your floorboards, and rusty stuff through a hole in the backseat)!

Image: (Andrey Popov/Shutterstock)

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