Breastfeeding Mom With Zero Fucks to Give Responds to Criticism the Way We All Secretly Want to

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Breastfeeding is legal and protected and women are allowed to do it wherever they are legally allowed to be, and that’s great. Breastfeeding women should be left alone and politely ignored, and if some jerkface or busybody has a problem with seeing a breast out in the open, that person should just look away and think about something else. I’m told baseball works, though I personally prefer Pokemon or Harry Potter. But somehow, even though it is 2016 and for the most part women are allowed to feed their babies wherever they want, some people still feel like they need to interrupt nursing mothers to tell them that breastfeeding is gross, inappropriate, or otherwise unacceptable.

This week one British mother allegedly got so fed up in the face of breastfeeding-shaming that she did what many of us have fantasized about: She squirted the irritating busybody with breastmilk.

The incident was reported to the Dartford Gossip Facebook Page, a page for local news from Dartford, Kent. A woman wrote that she had gone up to an unnamed, nursing woman in Dartford Park and told her to go someplace private, because the woman’s child and “easily distracted husband” were there. The nursing woman then allegedly told the woman to “—- off” and squirted her with one of her boobs.

Look, nobody should actually do this. This is completely insane. Do not spray bodily fluids on strangers, even if they are out of line and are being complete assholes. Do not spit on anyone. Do not throw a beverage on anyone, even if your beverage is not hot and the person is really asking for it. And do not actually spray breast milk at someone.

But, I mean, we all kinda wanted to at one point or another, right? I’d never actually do it, the same way I’d never quit a job by standing up in my cubicle and throwing my computer across the office. It’s still fun to fantasize about though.

It sounds like that Dartford woman is living the dream. Most of the commenters on the original post were of one mind: It’s not OK to spray someone with breastmilk, but the original poster was an asshat and should have left that woman alone and had a talk with her “easily distracted” husband about not gawking at women just trying to feed their babies in the park.