Breastfeeding Memes To Get You Through That Never-Ending Nursing Session
Breastfeeding memes are some of the funniest and most accurate memes that you’ll find online. Who wouldn’t love breastfeeding memes to get you through that nursing session? When you are waking up two or three times a night to breastfeed, what’s more entertaining and less expensive than online shopping? What’s less dangerous than DMing your high school boyfriend on FB? Or worse, liking a photo of his wife from three years ago in your exhausted middle of the night breastfeeding stupor? Plus, breastfeeding memes are harmless and almost always true, unlike those tweets you send when half asleep with a bleeding nipple.
Memes are a fairly new thing. Can you imagine what our moms would have done if they’d had the internet and memes when we were being breastfed? Let’s be honest, a lot more of us would have probably been breastfed and for a lot longer because they would have had a distraction. It’s like listening to music or watching television while working out, we might not like it but it makes it tolerable and we’re here for it.
Breasts Are Best
If you are going to drink milk, you may as well drink it from the breast and it might as well be the kind of milk that actually is meant for your species, right? Moms choose to breastfeed their babies for many different reasons; some to save money, some to bond, and some to do what they feel is best for their baby. And if you’re going to drink breast milk, you should probably drink it from both breasts so baby gets a full belly and mama has even breasts, plus it speeds up production. That’s a bonus in itself.
Your Body Is No Longer Your Own
Sometimes it is hard to shift your thinking of how you see your body from before you have to babies to after. We are creatures of self-satisfaction and we generally prefer to do what feels good. Before we have children, life is about pleasure and doing what you want, when you want, how you want and with who you want. We all learn the hard way that we can forget that notion as soon as babies enter the picture. We no longer get to do anything just for us, everything has a greater purpose and what we used to do for fun becomes for function. Remember before you were trying to get pregnant and sex was for fun? Trying to conceive, charting your cycle=function which =not sexy. Same goes for your breasts. Before kids, breasts are just another beautiful, erogenous zone, then you give birth and they suddenly become someone’s food source and not just anyone, the most important person in your life. How do you ever go back to seeing them as just an erogenous zone?
Mombie On The Loose
Breastfeeding is a full contact blood sport. It is rough, as much as it is beautiful and miraculous. We do it because we are so in love with our newborn babies plus, to be honest, I think we are not quite ourselves after pushing a baby out of our bodies. We see things through mom colored goggles. That is the only thing that would explain why we would continue to do something that leaves us completely at the mercy of a tiny human’s every demand with no shame whatsoever. From day one, there are brutal cluster feedings. Round the clock breastfeeding marathons while you produce little to no milk and your baby cries constantly, the only thing that keeps them from crying is to shove your breast in their mouth. You don’t eat. You can’t sleep. All you can do is pray that the breastmilk scented air that you’re producing gives way to actual colostrum before the ravenous little one gnaws your nipple right off of your breast.
One Eyed, One Horned, Flying Purple People Eater
Most women are a little ahem* ”lopsided” to begin with. No two breasts are created equal and that includes on the same woman. It’s a well-known fact that most women have one breast slightly larger than the other. Some more than slightly, some significantly larger than the other. In fact, some women differ from breast to breast in as much as an entire cup size and while not dangerous, it is pretty embarrassing and makes it hard to buy bras, as you can imagine. Well, breastfeeding and only letting a child suckle one side, for whatever reason, will most definitely result in one breast being engorged while the other is empty and your breast will most definitely look more lopsided than average. Do yourself a favor ladies and alternate sides.
Hey Mom, That’s An Exit, Not An Entry
The thing about breastfeeding is that we do on demand, when our child needs nourishment. We sacrifice sleep, sex and even food just to be able to be there for our children from the very start. Many of us, women all around the world, can tell you the same story of how they fell asleep with a newborn in their arms in those early days; waking just as said newborn almost fell to their peril. But it doesn’t usually happen to their peril but more often than not, we fall asleep and let go just enough to loosen our grip but as soon as mama hearts feel those babies slipping through our hands, we grab to keep them. Not saying we’ve not ever put onesies on inside out in our middle of the night haze of exhaustion or tried to stick a boob in an ear but it could be worse, right? At least we are feeding them.
Breast Milk Fixes Everything
We all know that breast milk is priceless and it is good for our babies. It’s common knowledge that if you are going to have a baby, you should probably breastfeed if you really love your child. That’s what any good mom, who wants the best for their child, would do, right? But at some point, breast milk becomes the magic elixir that heals everything. Colicky baby? Give that baby some breast milk. Slight fever? Give that baby some breast milk. Did you sprain your elbow? Put some breast milk on it. Your joints ache? Your head hurts? The baby’s got diaper rash? Rub some breast milk on it. Breast milk is the modern day Vicks VaporRub. It fixes everything.
Breastfeeding Changes Everything
Remember what your breasts looked like before you had babies and breastfed? As women, we all are a little self-conscious about our breasts from the time of puberty. Who knew that breastfeeding could change so much about the way your breasts look? No one really warns you about that. We take our peaches for granted, we bask in the glory of our oranges because they are real and they are spectacular. Glowing pregnancy bodies are gorgeous and sexy. Then baby comes and suddenly, those firm oranges are replaced by engorged watermelons, proving that there is, in fact, such a thing as too much of a good thing. But fear not because as all breastfeeding moms know, those over the top engorged watermelons will soon b replaced by raisins. So enjoy them while you have them.
Breastfeeding Will Save You Money
It is a common misconception that breastfeeding will save you lots of money on formula. Aside from being readily available and easy to access, no late night runs to Target to get formula where you end up spending $150 on nothing you actual need. And this is why believing that breastfeeding will save you money is not necessarily true, what do you do while breastfeeding in the middle of the night to stay awake? You unlock your phone and you surf the web. Why do you think they run infomercials during the middle of the night? Because an exhausted mind does not function properly. We end up believing that bejeweled eyelashes are a good idea and we buy them. To be clear, bejeweled anything is a bad idea.
Sleeping Dads Beware
There are few things worse than waking during the middle of the night to feed a cranky baby. But you know that the moment you give them what they want, they will be satisfied and they will take comfort in your bosom. You know it’s going to stop the madness and no matter how exhausted you are, it’s not so bad because you know you cured what ails them. But looking over in the bed, being exhausted and seeing your partner sound asleep makes you want to hulk smash someone, instinctively said sleeping partner. My advice to dads everywhere is to sleep with one eye open.
The Dangers Of Breastfeeding Teething Babies
A teething baby is a dangerous one to breastfeed. Breastfeeding a teething baby is taking a chance with your safety. Imagine looking deeply into your baby’s eyes, they’re staring back at you and you’re having a deep moment of blissful bonding when all of the sudden junior clamps shut on your tender nipple in the middle of the night. Obviously, you can’t fault the little guy because he’s just trying to get some relief from teething. Teething hurts. But does junior really need to share the pain? He’s not really trying to hurt you, he’s just experiencing with his new choppers but that doesn’t mean it won’t make you bleed and scream out in the middle of the night.
Your Discomfort Is Not My Baby’s Problem
Breastfeeding in public takes a little getting used to. It’s not natural for most of us to feel comfortable with our breasts hanging out in front of strangers unless we were a girl gone wild in a former life. But we do it because it’s how we have chosen to nourish our babies and that trumps everything else, even embarrassment. We do it long enough and we get used to breastfeeding in public so imagine how counterproductive it is to be shunned and shamed for breastfeeding our children. Babies aren’t aware of their surroundings; they are not restricted by societal expectations. They cry when they’re hungry and we feed them, we don’t care who sees. Your discomfort is not our problem.
Division Of Labor
The best part of having a spouse/ partner when you have a baby is to have someone to split all the responsibilities with, right? Being a parent is a big job and there is power in numbers. When we can help one another, it makes us better parents because we are not so overwhelmed and exhausted. When you have a partner, you expect them to be there when the times get rough. What you don’t expect or want is to have your partner laying there like dead weight while you do all the work. He sleeps like a baby because he can’t feed the baby and you feed the baby because you have no option. There’s always the option of pumping and letting your partner give baby a bottle of breast milk.
Breastfeeding Moms Can Eat All the Food
One of the best things about breastfeeding is the need to consume large quantities of calories in order to produce milk for your baby. It’s like a little gift from the universe after spending 9 months growing your sweet baby. It’s only right that you be able to eat whatever you want while you breastfeed. It almost makes it worth all the nipple biting, long nights and frustration waiting for colostrum to come in. Imagine finally being able to eat all the burgers and croissants you want because your body needs the calories. Bring on the goodies because when else will you be able to eat like this without working out for 3 hours?
The Best Kind Of Drunk Is Milk Drunk
Not many things are as adorable as a “milk drunk” baby. Those eyelids crossed eyeballs and crooked little smile are the benchmarks of a well-fed baby who gorged on breast milk and now has a full belly, knocking on the verge of passing out for a nap. There is nothing quite as fulfilling as looking down and knowing you did that.
In many ways, breastfeeding a newborn is like being back in college. Only this time, you’re the sober one and the sweet munchkin latched onto your breast with the woozy smile is holding you captive while they get milk drunk on what you’re serving, over and over again.
The Truth About Breastfeeding
No pregnancy book in the world tells you the truth about breastfeeding because no one would believe it even if they did. Breastfeeding is not always like the lactation specialists tell you that it’s going to be. It’s not all flowers and sunshine. It’s not always easy. But if you really break it down it’s pretty simple, be ready to be available at all hours of the day and night, make everything else second to breastfeeding your baby and be prepared to stay that way for an indeterminate amount of time. The truth is breastfeeding is a lot of work but 100% worth it.
Never Trust A Full Diaper And A Smile
It’s so easy to look down at your breastfeeding baby and fall so in love that you are completely oblivious to common sense. Like why would anyone put their nipple into the mouth of a little, feral hungry person with teeth? Would you purposely stick your face into a bear trap? Nope. You don’t know real fear until you get bit once and then every single time your baby needs to be fed, you will do it again. You have to. You can’t just say no because you’re a little afraid. You can’t let bloody nipples deter you from your task at hand.
Breastfeeding memes are the little things that keep moms entertained while staying up late nights breastfeeding our little ones. What’s your favorite breastfeeding meme?
