Celebrities Who Talk Smack About Their Kids Publicly Are Terrible Parents

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Brandi Glanville Ladylike Foundation luncheon 2014When you think of The Real Housewives franchise, the words “class” and “dignity” probably aren’t the first words that come to mind. I mean, this is the same show that brought us “prostitution whore” and “Don’t Be Tardy to the Party.” But what Brandi Glanville just said about her 7-year-old son on her “Unfiltered” podcast is extreme even for reality TV. According to Radar Online, Glanville called her son such lovely things as “a complete asshole,” a “fucker” and “a dick.” She also joked about her son’s sexual activity (remember, he’s seven) and played favorites between her kids. KLASSY. If there were a “Piece Of Trash” trophy, Brandi would win, hands down. I don’t usually put my sanctimommy panties on, but but I’m pulling them out of retirement for this shit.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for a little parental venting. Hell, who am I kidding? I’m all for A LOT of parental venting. If this were a case of a celebrity (is Glanville actually a celebrity?) being caught candidly venting about their child (a la Alec Baldwin calling his kid “a rude little pig” on the phone to Kim Basinger), it would be a different story, because that’s never supposed to see the light of day. Parents are allowed to have rough days and let off steam. But when you purposely talk shit about your children in a public manner, knowing that eventually they will hear it, then I think you’re a fucking jerk and a terrible parent.

Brandi didn’t just throw out some offhand adjectives, either. During the podcast, she went off on a tirade, giving a laundry list of complaints about her first grader. According to Radar Online (I’ve taken out the kid’s name, because I don’t want to be a jerk, too).

“My son’s name is (REDACTED): He’s 7, he’s a complete a**hole, but we love him. Oh man, he’s a d*ck, seriously…Glanville said that the boy unabashedly defies her, such as in cases when he shamelessly neglects to do something she asked of him…He doesn’t try to get out of it — he says, ‘I lied,’ then he shows his dimples!” she said of her son. The statuesque beauty said even her mother, Judith Ann Glanville, has observed the boy’s unruly ways, calling it “total payback” for the hell she raised as a youngster. “Payback is a b*tch,” she said, laughing.

Who’s the real asshole here? The kid who is just living what he’s learned, or the mother for bitching about his behavior on her shitty little podcast? This sounds less like an asshole kid and more like shitty parenting, if you ask me. And then there’s this:

And in perhaps the most cringe-worthy moment in a series of them, the mother-of-two intimated her preference for (REDACTED)’s older brother, Mason. “I have an 11-year-old who’s awesome,” she said. “He doesn’t lie, he’s really sweet, he kisses me when I ask . . . he’s my baby.”

What the actual fuck? Who talks about liking one of their children over the other? Even jokingly? This kid is SEVEN, not 17. She then goes on to “joke” about “already, like, booking rehab” for the kid down the road, based on his behavior. Because the only thing funnier than humiliating an elementary school kid is joking about drug addiction and rehab! HILARIOUS!

But here is the coup de grâce:

“Besides (REDACTED)’s attitude, Glanville also said “a problem” on the horizon is the tot’s popularity with the ladies. “He’s basically got to second base with a lot of chicks already!” she said, noting that the first-grader had a fifth-grade girlfriend.”

Wut? Even if this was a passing conversation between two girlfriends over drinks this wouldn’t be funny. Maybe this makes me a humorless prat, but I don’t think joking about your 7-year-old grabbing some older kid’s boob is particularly funny. Oh, and referring to little girls (and make no mistake, a fifth grader is a little girl) as chicks is gross and as unfunny as it gets.

Listen, I know Glanville is a reality star, and therefore supposed to be brash and outlandish. But this is the Internet age, where nothing ever dies. A decade from now this kid will be able to find this shit and listen to it, and I doubt he’ll be amused. And really, come on, this kid has Eddie Cibrian as a father, hasn’t be been through enough?