A person in possession of a good party trick is never alone. All you have to do is tell a stranger about your weird trick, and suddenly you will have friends wherever you are. It has to be a good trick, though. I once thought learning to recite the first chapter of Beowulf in Old English would be a good party trick, because I’d only have to learn the first paragraph because no reasonable person would ask me to do more than that. Turns out I never even needed that much, because literally nobody at a party wants to hear a stranger recite Beowulf in any language at all. (It’s OK. This story has a happy ending. I used to be an awkward weirdo who couldn’t figure out how to talk to people at parties, but now I just show up to with booze and snacks and everyone likes me a lot better.) But there’s one person who will never need an ice-breaker, because this mad blonde woman on YouTube can swallow a whole stick of butter at once, and it’s gross but mesmerizing.
A blonde woman with a messy bun, an infinity scarf, and a checkered shirt who looks just like someone who would be standing in front of you in a Starbucks line is on Oregon Outdoors demonstrating this impressive/disgusting feat for a team of supportive but skeptical friends who don’t seem to believe she can do it.
“I’ll hold your hair if you gag,” one of her friends says at the beginning of the video. Now, that’s love right there, but the butter-swallower does not need it. She casts a withering side-eye toward her friend as if to say, “Oh, you sweet summer child. You don’t even know how much I’ve got this.” She looks legitimately proud.
“Everybody ready?” she says, calm and reserved while her friends flutter around her.
Then she tilts her head all the way back, opens her mouth, and shoves an entire stick of cold butter all the way down her throat. You can see it go down. It’s kind of disturbing.
The butter wasn’t even soft, either. European butters are fattier and never really get hard, but this looked like a rock-hard stick of regular old American Land O’ Lakes, which gets harder than a child’s block in a refrigerator, and she shoved that whole thing down her throat all at once.
“Holy fucking shit,” one of the friends says, “she’s a goddess!” I’m pretty sure it’s the one who offered to hold her hair earlier.
“Oh lord, Hallelujah!” Another one says.
I have so many questions about this! How did she discover she had this talent? Did she work up to it, or did she one day just decide to see what would happen if she pushed an entire stick of butter down her throat? I don’t know why this impresses me as much as it does, but this woman swallowing an entire stick of butter is my new hero.