You Are Nuts If You Hire A Photographer To Document Your Birth
I would consider myself a normally modest person. I’m no exhibitionist. I haven’t been on Girls Gone Wild. I’m also comfortable in a bathing suit and don’t wear Victorian collars up to my earlobes.
Being pregnant was a somewhat uncomfortable time for me. I struggle with being a control freak, and I was totally out of control of my body during pregnancy. I also felt incredibly awkward going to prenatal appointments where I was gently poked and prodded. I wasn’t used to having that many people touch me or pay attention to me. I grew increasingly nervous about the spotlight that was sure to be on me and my body as I went into labor.
I decided well in advance that I didn’t want anyone in the delivery room besides my midwives and my husband. To be completely honest, I had stage fright. I’m a fairly confident and outgoing person, but the whole setup reminded me a lot of the piÃ±ata anxiety I had when I was a kidâ€”which my husband teases me relentlessly about.
I hate that moment when everyone is watching you and waiting for you to hit the piÃ±ata blindfolded. Inevitably you miss, and all the partygoers laugh. I know, I know, I’m reading way too much into this silly event, but STILL. I don’t want to hit the piÃ±ata!!
Giving birth was my piÃ±ata. I knew everyone would be staring deeply into my vagina, and it made me feel super awkward if I thought about it long enough. My game plan was to go, go, go and get it all over with as quickly as possible. I would never have dreamed of inviting an outside party in to document every goddamn second of this “joyous” occasion.
But in the real world, not every pregnant woman has piÃ±ata anxiety. There are plenty of women who think it’s an awesome idea to hire a photojournalist to document their vag throughout labor and delivery.
Here are just a few of the gems I found on Pinterest. If they are on Pinterest, you know quite a few moms are down with this shiz:
I think the photographs are artful and touching, but still, all I can say is NO. One midwife student offered to take pictures of my business end during labor, and I said, Please don’t do that. I also told her that if she took any pictures, I’d delete them anyway.
I’m jealous of moms who don’t have piÃ±ata anxiety. But I still can’t understand how anyone could get on board with professional photography in the delivery room. To me, it seems like a great embarrassment and a waste of money. You’ll have plenty of time to take pics of Junior after he’s born.