Jesus Freak: Denying Your Kids Birth Control To Promote Abstinence Is Ignorant

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Jesus Freak: I am a Christian mom who was raised in a fundamental Christian home. I have questioned my beliefs and have come to love myself and God on my own terms. I’m raising my kids the same way.

I’m at a point in my parenting where I’m questioning so much of what I was taught by my fundamental Christian parents. Oddly enough, my parents have also changed their beliefs dramatically and are no longer strict Bible-thumpers. In a way, it is encouraging. In another sense, it is too little, too late. I was taught fundamental Christianity to the max, and now I am a parent who has to figure it out for myself.

Granted, this is the plight of all parents, if you are parenting with your eyes open. Hopefully, all of us who are taking the time to read a parenting blog and discuss parenting with our peers are actually interested in learning more about how to parent and love our kids. I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I do have the questions.

One of the biggest Christian doctrines that I was taught and still lived by until just a few years ago was abstinence until marriage. I was a virgin (with lots of gray areas) until I was 24, when I got into a relationship with my current husband. At that time, I decided, fuck it (both literally and figuratively); we had sex before marriage while living together, but he is the only person I have been with.

At the time, it seemed like it really mattered. I was and still am at peace with my decision, but now I’m questioning the overblown importance of abstinence both for myself and my future teenage sons. I always thought that I would at least encourage them not to have sex before marriage””because what parent wants to think of their teens getting it on? Not me. But on second thought, I also don’t want to think of my teen sons getting another teen girl pregnant.

In my limited parenting experience, I have realized that not talking about something is perhaps the worst parenting move you can make. Whether it’s feelings, secrets from the past, or sex, if a topic is taboo in any relationship, it creates walls. It also creates inexperience and ignorance. Alcohol was never talked about in my house growing up, and voila””I got a DUI in my early 20s. Refusing to talk to kids about sex and birth control or to offer any options is equally as stupid.

There are other Christian parents who disagree:

Keeping sex for marriage CAN be done. But you know what? An even better message to send your daughter, from the time she’s a little girl until she’s in heaven with her Maker, is that she CANNOT do it by herself. Only God can do it in her, and He wants to help her be faithful to His will. Even now, I’m trying to teach my little boys that they can’t obey God without Jesus’ help. If you put your daughter on birth control, I believe you’re missing an opportunity for her to dive to the foot of the cross in desperation and need for sovereign intervention. She’ll miss the intensity of the battle. But more importantly, she’ll miss the sweetness of victory as Christ meets her every need and becomes the TRUE Lover of her soul.

crosswalk.com

I explained to her that she is enabling her daughter to have frequent sex which means increasing the daughters chance of getting an STD and that we currently have a national STD epidemic of approx. 39 STD’s shared among 65,000,000 adult Americans with 15,000,000 new cases added yearly . SHe says that her daughter is fully aware of the dangers behind STD’s because theyve showed them videos at school and the daughter knows what they look like and which ones are permanent for life. I explained to her that she is giving a green light to violate Gods loving moral mandates on sexual boundaries. She said ‘they are going to do it regardless’ .

christianforums.com

Hi I’ve never posted before but I need a little moral support. My son is almost 17, hes an avid sportsman in wrestling and football and gets excellent grades very driven…..That said, hes had a girlfriend for almost a year. At christmas I found condom wrappers unopened under his bed. (my roomba vaccum actually did) We talked about it and I was calm. He said they weren’t his (of course). I’ve raised him well with regular church attendance, awana and most importantly I’ve shared my views about waiting and what God wants for him and the consequences mentally and physically of being sexually involved. He is not allowed to be alone with his girlfriend at home without a parent. Well I just cleaned his bathroom garbage and found a wrapper OPENED in his garbage. I’m so disappointed with him and myself…..

christianchat.com

As a parent of two boys reading this, I still can’t see what the Big Fucking Deal is. While it is important to instill values and morals in your children, there is a line between raising young adults capable of making their own decisions, with your guidance, and raising robots. The woman in the last example strikes me especially because she takes her son’s decision so personally. I don’t know her or her son, but it appears to be the exact wrong approach to use to cultivate communication and honesty in a parent-child relationship.

While you’re at it, why not just buy them a car without teaching them to drive? Why not never speak about drugs or alcohol and just hope that they don’t get arrested or overdose behind your back? Why not forbid your kids to give in to their natural teenage hormones and just pray that you don’t become a grandma? Let’s not mince words. Failing to talk to your teen about sex and birth control is irresponsible and ignorant.

(Image: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock)

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