“I wish everyone would just keep their religion to themselves. There are few things less Christian than Judgy McProselytizers and their promises of hellfire. Read your book, you jerks, you’re making the baby Jesus cry.”
This was in response to the article,10 Reasons I Love Being A Mom Even Though I Complain About Being A Mom
Â – to which Eve responded in our Skype swarm – “Eve Vawter – Knocking up chicks since 2013.” Eve deserves a necklace, too.
“My list would suck because I have the memory of…somebody who has a shitty memory, and therefore I can’t remember anything before like, August.”
Oh my god, Allison. Are we the same person?
“Speaking of gummies and vodka, I recently learned about vodka soaked gummy bears and as soon as this baby comes out – or at least shortly after – I’m going to make a big batch and eat them for dinner. I can’t wait.”
“A thigh gap whilst pregnant? Is she a unicorn?”
“I do not think I have ever cleaned behind a major appliance. And now I am too scared to.”
“I just won Thanksgiving; I’m getting one of these and filling it with codeine cough syrup. Not only will my MIL not get her knickers in a bunch because I’m drinking booze, but when she tells me “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! YOU’RE GOING TO RUIN THE PIE!” I can just take a big swig, and smile my big purple-sticky smile, and then glassy-eyed stare at her until she gets totally weirded-out and leaves me alone. Not only that, but as a woman who’s never had a kid, my boobs finally have a purpose besides looking awesome and, well, looking awesome.”
This was in response to,Â Finally! A Way To Get Drunk Via Your Boobs
. The reader’s screen name is actually “I need to get to Canada, stat,” but that didn’t fit on a necklace – so I thought awesomeboobs would do. Also – this comment basically wins everything – not just Thanksgiving.