A Ranking Of Nursery Rhymes From Tolerable To Torture

baby playing pianoMost parents live to rue the day they ever popped that kiddie disk into the CD player , because even though you made it to Grandma’s house, it’s now the only thing your kids will listen to in the car without screaming. All nursery rhymes are the worst, but some are more tolerable than others. Here’s a breakdown of nursery rhymes from the ones you hum to yourself in the shower to the ones that make you want to set your ears on fire.

1. Patty Cake

patty cake


Little kids get a kick out of this one, plus you can sing it while sitting down. Baby giggles + comfort = winning.

2. The Itsy, Bitsy Spider



Any song that alerts children to the horror of spiders gets a stamp of approval. The sooner they know thine enemy, the better.

3. Ring Around The Rosie



If you can ignore the fact that this song may be about dying from the plague,  it’s a good one. Don’t let the kids get so dizzy that they lose their dinner and you may be able to work off some energy before bedtime.

4. The ABCs




If this song gets stuck in your head, just swap out the lyrics to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and you’ve got yourself a playlist. And while for the life of me I can’t remember a single thing I learned in the 5th grade, this little ditty from preschool came in super handy as an adult when I worked filing medical records.

5. Old McDonald Had  A Farm



There’s nothing inherently wrong with a song that teaches kids about animals. But when your toddler spends the entire car ride to the library singing it at the top of his lungs and then leaves you Moooo-ing solo like an asshole when you actually get to music class, it’s hard not to get resentful.

6. Baa Baa Black Sheep



Okay for starters, sheep don’t talk. And if they did, the first thing you said to them sure wouldn’t be, “Hey, uh, how much wool you got there?”

7. Mary Had A Little Lamb



This isn’t a bad song per se, it’s just that every person who sings it sounds like they’re fresh off the rejection episode of American Idol.

8. No More Monkeys Jumping On The Bed

jumping on bed


You’d think this would be a cautionary tale, but all it does is inspire kids to hop up and down on furniture. I tell the kids this track on the CD is broken, because I’d rather lie to them then go to the emergency room.

(image: Denys Kurbatov/shutterstock.com)

Similar Posts