Iâ€™m Scared That My Stepchildren Will Let Me Down This Motherâ€™s Day
My friend refers to Motherâ€™s Day as â€œThe Biggest Let Down of the Year.â€ I see her point. What one of us mothers has not wanted a â€œre-doâ€ Motherâ€™s Day? This is why Iâ€™m very PROACTIVE when it comes to Motherâ€™s Day.
My 9-year-old daughterâ€™s father knows the day is important to me and, in the past, I have said things to him like, â€œShe said she really wants to buy me a new Prada purse for Motherâ€™s Day! Okay?â€ Or, because my daughter can now speak, Iâ€™ll get her to say to him, â€œItâ€™s Motherâ€™s Day in one week and I have no money, so can you buy a present for mommy from me? She is the best mommy ever!â€ And, just in case my daughterâ€™s father forgets about Motherâ€™s Day (he hasnâ€™t ever yet, but you never know) Iâ€™ll also go out and buy myself something, because FUCK, ITâ€™S MOTHERâ€™S DAY AND MOMMY DESERVES A NEW PURSE.
Now I have stepchildren in my life and Iâ€™m not really sure what to expect, or how to be proactive when it comes to my two stepchildren. I donâ€™t want to feel like Motherâ€™s Day is the Biggest Let Down of the Year. I know I shouldnâ€™t EXPECT anything. And while I donâ€™t really, I canâ€™t help but know my stepchildren are in my house 50 percent of the time.
Though Iâ€™m not their â€œmotherâ€ Iâ€™m a female figure in their lives, who spends half the week with them, buys them food, provides a roof over their head, lets them raid my closets for clothes, takes care of their dog, watches them play soccer, hangs out with them, and listens to their problems, kind of likeâ€¦a mother. But thereâ€™s no day called, â€œAdult Female Figure Day.â€
Frankly? I like presents. I like to be acknowledged and appreciated for being a motherâ€¦at least once a year. Yeah, yeah. Itâ€™s a Hallmark holiday. But I care! And youâ€™re either a saint or a liar if you say you donâ€™t.
One of my friends actually receives flowers from her stepchildrenâ€™s biological mother on Motherâ€™s Day. She had had a horrible Motherâ€™s Day one year (because her husband didnâ€™t acknowledge it at all even though they have a son together as well.) She came home after dinner to see flowers at the doorstep.
â€œI thought, â€˜Okay. Heâ€™s redeemed himself,â€™â€ she said before bursting out into laughter. â€œBut the flowers werenâ€™t even from him. They were from his ex-wife! The card said, â€˜Thank you for being such a wonderful person in my childrenâ€™s life.â€™â€ My friend laughed and cried at the insanity of having the father of her child not do anything, but the MOTHER of her stepchildren step up to the plate on Motherâ€™s Day.
I found it so touching and thoughtful that a biological mother was acknowledging my friend, the stepmother.
I donâ€™t think my fiancÃ©â€™s ex will be sending me anything, at least anything that smells or looks pretty. (And for all of you who keep wondering, no he did not cheat on her with me. I met him on a blind date AFTER they had separated and he had moved on and out.) She hates me, or the idea of me, which I can grasp, even though The Bitter Ex is not a very good look on anyone.
Because my stepchildren are old enough to have their own phones, and also know itâ€™s Motherâ€™s Day, I canâ€™t help but think, â€œI wonder if Iâ€™ll get a call from them on Motherâ€™s Day.â€ Or will they do something for me before Motherâ€™s Day? They will be spending actual Motherâ€™s Day with their mother.
Stepchildren open up a whole other possibility of Motherâ€™s Day becoming The Biggest Let Down of the Year when you are invested in them, which I am.
I think what will happen is that my fiancÃ© will step up to the plate, and heâ€™ll probably buy something for me and put their names on the card. Or will he just sign our sonâ€™s name and not his daughters? See? This is why itâ€™s easy to see how Motherâ€™s Day can turn into the Biggest Let Down of the Year. Itâ€™s best not to think about it at all.
But because I DO think about it, itâ€™s best to be proactive. So, this year, I think Iâ€™ll be SUPER proactive and buy myself a number of things because I am not only a mother, I am a stepmother. And I donâ€™t want this day, this year, to be the biggest let down of the year.