Being A Second Wife Is Totally Underrated

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second wifeThe other night a couple of friends popped by. This couple is responsible for me getting a fiancé and having a baby with him. They were the couple that first set me up on a blind date with my soon-to-be husband and father of my second child. Both have been divorced. Over dinner and vodka, my girlfriend announced that she is never going to get married again. Her boyfriend (and soon-to-be roommate – they are moving in together) does not want to get married again either. I can see why. Once you’ve been through a divorce, even one that wasn’t nasty, marriage can leave a sour taste.

However, someone said to me not long ago that she always wanted to be a “second wife.” This is funny because, well, it’s funny, but also because she is still married to her first husband, and happy, with two children. But I get it. I’m excited to be a “second wife.” In fact, to the handful of single friends I have now, who refuse to date divorced men, I yell, “There is so much positive about being The Second Wife!”

I am thrilled to be a Second Wife and I sell my single friends on divorced men like I’m a used car salesman. “Being a second wife is great,” I protest. “You need a divorced man.”

Why am I so excited to be the “second wife?” Well, I could see exactly what type of guy my man was in many ways because he was married before and had children with his first wife. People learn a lot about their own character flaws during a marriage and for a second marriage, you can bet your ass that if the guy is smart, he won’t repeat his mistakes. In fact, he’ll go out of his way to not repeat his mistakes.

For example, my fiancé told me he rarely did anything together with his ex-wife. They rarely traveled together or just hung out together watching movies on a lazy afternoon. They also rarely did things as a family, including not eating dinner together and not even doing chores together. He knew that was part of their problem. So now we do pretty much everything together, including but not limited to, going to bed at the same time and making dinner together.

Don’t get me wrong. He still goes and plays soccer or poker with friends and I go out and see my friends alone, but my fiancé is my best friend and I’m his. Most divorced people I know who have met someone new always say that their new partner is their best friend and their ex-wives weren’t. As one divorced man told me, “I never felt like we were on the same team.”

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