Being A Second Wife Is Totally Underrated
The other night a couple of friends popped by. This couple is responsible for me getting a fiancÃ© and having a baby with him. They were the couple that first set me up on a blind date with my soon-to-be husband and father of my second child. Both have been divorced. Over dinner and vodka, my girlfriend announced that she is never going to get married again. Her boyfriend (and soon-to-be roommate â€“ they are moving in together) does not want to get married again either. I can see why. Once youâ€™ve been through a divorce, even one that wasnâ€™t nasty, marriage can leave a sour taste.
However, someone said to me not long ago that she always wanted to be a â€œsecond wife.â€ This is funny because, well, itâ€™s funny, but also because she is still married to her first husband, and happy, with two children. But I get it. Iâ€™m excited to be a â€œsecond wife.â€ In fact, to the handful of single friends I have now, who refuse to date divorced men, I yell, â€œThere is so much positive about being The Second Wife!â€
I am thrilled to be a Second Wife and I sell my single friends on divorced men like Iâ€™m a used car salesman. â€œBeing a second wife is great,â€ I protest. â€œYou need a divorced man.â€
Why am I so excited to be the â€œsecond wife?â€ Well, I could see exactly what type of guy my man was in many ways because he was married before and had children with his first wife. People learn a lot about their own character flaws during a marriage and for a second marriage, you can bet your ass that if the guy is smart, he wonâ€™t repeat his mistakes. In fact, heâ€™ll go out of his way to not repeat his mistakes.
For example, my fiancÃ© told me he rarely did anything together with his ex-wife. They rarely traveled together or just hung out together watching movies on a lazy afternoon. They also rarely did things as a family, including not eating dinner together and not even doing chores together. He knew that was part of their problem. So now we do pretty much everything together, including but not limited to, going to bed at the same time and making dinner together.
Donâ€™t get me wrong. He still goes and plays soccer or poker with friends and I go out and see my friends alone, but my fiancÃ© is my best friend and Iâ€™m his. Most divorced people I know who have met someone new always say that their new partner is their best friend and their ex-wives werenâ€™t. As one divorced man told me, â€œI never felt like we were on the same team.â€