Mama Love Junkie and Mothertougher: Help! I’m Dreading Being In A Bathing Suit With My Kids

MamaLoveJunkie And Mothertougher advice

 

 

 

Dear Mama Love Junkie and Mothertougher,

Now that Summer is here and I’m with the kids every day I have to admit it. I hate my body. I really hate it. I know I am supposed to love myself and feminism and everything, but I don’t want to go to the beach with my kids, what do I do?

Thanks for your thoughts,

Under the Umbrella

Dear Under,

Oh I know! I totally hear you.  I have always been a little rounder than my friends. OK, a lot rounder, especially since I squeezed those two little people out of me. In fact, just last summer, when i was on the beach and my tummy was rolling like dough over the bottom of my (still pregnancy) bathingsuit, my friend said to me, ”I love how you just love yourself and go with it. It’s such a defining part of who you are.” I wanted to smack her clear across the face. But I didn’t. Because she was just trying to notice without being mean about noticing, which is what friends should do.

So I am going to be your friend here. Are you too round, squishy, cellulite-y, pudgy, to be in a bathing suit? No. Of course not. I could sit here and spew all the reasons why a post baby body is gorgeous and the extra flappiness and stretch marks are just your wings and tiger stripes and everything, but you aren’t going to listen. If you think you are, you are. There you go. I noticed.

I’m going to acknowledge it. Because yes, your girlfriends at the beach – and all of the other people who are seeing a lot of different kinds of bodies in less clothing than they usually do, and are surprised and mesmerized and a little turned on by all of it – they will notice you. They will. Some will like what they see, some won’t and you really will never know which is which.

But you will know what you think: You don’t like the way you look in a bathing suit.

OK, we noticed. You noticed. Now try to move on. Your kids are on the beach and they are fun and the couldn’t really care less what you look like in that bikini. I promise. If you don’t embarrass them by picking a huge wedgie or screaming their name as loud as can be when they hit a homerun in beach softball, they do not care. If you give them hot ginger snaps and cold watermelon and smile at them a lot and only take your phone out to take pictures of them, (and then quickly post them to facebook) they do not care. If you wear a t-shirt and pants every day on the beach with them, they do not care. But you might be hot.

Just go. Just love yourself (even if you don’t love your body) and go with it.

Yours in love,

Mama Love Junkie

Dear Under,

Don’t get me started on this whole ”your stretch marks are tiger stripes” bullshit. I’m glad some women are comfortable with their bodies and can give a proud middle finger to unachievable beauty ideals – and I mean I’m really glad, because thank god someone is being a good example for our daughters. Because I sure as heck can’t do it, and it sounds like you can’t, either. And that doesn’t make us any less feminist or strong or tough or beautiful or whatever. It makes us human, and honest, because I bet that a lot of these women posting proud postpartum photos series on Facebook have days where they cry because their favorite pair of jeans feel a little tight.

Let’s be clear about the issue here: you feel insecure in a bathing suit, which is impeding on your summer fun with your kids. This particular  issue is not how society views women, or about some statement you’re single-handedly trying to make about adult female bodies. And as much as you might deny it, I’d bet it’s not about what other people think about you (but in case it is, for the record, anyone who is busy comparing other people’s bodies to her own is either insecure or seriously boring, because who has time for that?).

Nope. The issue here is about what you think of you. It’s about your own discomfort with your own body. I am sick to death of people writing heartfelt pieces on self-acceptance, because for those of us with body image issues, it’s not so freaking simple. And I’m not going to Maria Kang you, either, and ask you what your excuse is, and tell you to get off your butt and start working out to get the body you want, because even if you went to CrossFit 5 times a week and ate kale smoothies for every meal, you might still hate your thighs or think your boobs are droopy or whatever.

So here’s what I suggest:  Have someone drop you at the mall. Go to the nearest liquor-licensed restaurant and have at least 2 glasses of wine. Then try on as many bathing suits as needed until you find one you like (hence the reason I asked you to get buzzed). Only shop at stores with forgiving lighting and no three-way mirrors, because they are the devil.  If all else fails, get a sexy cover-up and a cute hat and rock that look whenever you go to the beach with your kids. Don’t just decide to sweat it out in jeans and an old t-shirt, because that’s going to make you feel self-conscious and mad at yourself for not having the inner strength to wear a cute suit. Find something that makes you feel good, that allows you to move, and that you think you look pretty damn good in, too. You don’t have to love your beach body, but you can still love your body on the beach, and the way it looks in your boy short tankini, you know?

Truly,
Mothertougher

 

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