Childrearing
Mommyish Debate: Is Blowing Your Stack With Your Kids Bad Parenting?
Lindsay: Do some people need perspective? Sure. But brushing aside the stresses and struggles of millions of people is not going to help anyone.
Eve: Right, but neither is gently holding their hand and accepting their imaginary freak outs that the take out on their kids. It’s normalizing a totally stupid idea.
Lindsay: Which is why we were talking about ways to help people.
Eve: And how do you propose we help these parents with no skills who scream or hit their kids when they are late on their electric bill? I suggest maybe these parents just need some damn perspective. Tell them to count to ten? OH count to ten and calm down and then you can rail on your kid?
Lindsay: Well I don’t know Eve, I haven’t done the interview yet. But there are lots of programs that send nurses and social workers into homes and help parents learn how to control their anger or how their emotions impact their kids and what they can do. They’re programs that have shown really great success rates.
Eve: I don’t know. I was a dirt poor single mom who lived in an apartment with a hole in the floor and crack addicts giving blowjobs in my laundry room. I took three buses to college and paid my babysitter who I couldn’t afford and I never blew up at my kid. I locked my door and cried sometimes but I never took it out on him, because I realized that it wasn’t his fault.
So no, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for parents who blow up at their kids, and I think they are shitty parents with no coping skills. Just my opinion.
Lindsay: I was a single mom at one point in time as well. And I while I realize that both of us were lucky enough to have perspective and intelligence and ambition, some people don’t. They don’t know how to be responsible parents. And they need to learn. Which is why it’s nice to try to educate them instead of just pretending that they don’t exist.
Eve: I do see your point, but to be honest, I am sorta fed up with the hand holding and educating of the great unwashed masses. No one educated me, I just didn’t wanna be an asshole. We mollycoddle parents and say, “There, there, we know it’s hard.” But in a sense, that just validates their entire thought process and makes them think, “I screamed at or hit my kid, but it’s okay and normal and I will do better next time.” Yuck.
And I do believe parents blow up for utterly stupid reasons. It offends me that people can’t control their shit better. You can have sympathy, I do not.
Lindsay: It’s possible to think that something is wrong and to acknowledge that it shouldn’t happen while still trying to help people make better choices in the future.
Eve: it’s all too precious for me. Sorry your cake got burnt while you were cleaning up the toys your kid threw on the floor. Bleh.
Lindsay: Yes, I’m sure that’s all anyone is worried about… burnt food and a messy house.
Eve: Well, as you said, it’s things like this that are the straw… it’s a bigger issue usually. But instead of dealing with the bigger issue parents freak on their kids. I’m shitty for writing for Mommyish because I will always take the kids side. I sorta hate parents overall.
Lindsay: When you put them on separate sides, I don’t think you do them much good.
Eve: I kinda doubt the child-beating, temper-losing parents read Mommyish anyway.
(Photo:Â ollyy/Shutterstock)
