Babysitting Instructions: Baby Vs. Big Kid

By  | 

Leaving your kids with a babysitter for the first time can be a nerve-wracking experience. Will this person treat your kids like the angels they are, or will they just eat your cookies and and watch your porn? One thing you can do to ease your mind is to write out a list of instructions so that your babysitter knows exactly how to care for your child. The amount of detail that goes into these instructions, however, changes as your child gets older and you start to care less and less.

Here are some examples:

1. Dinnertime. 

With a baby:


(via Giphy)

Clamshell has her last bottle at 8pm. I have frozen breast milk in the freezer that should be warmed slowly over the stove top and stirred constantly. Make sure you use the bottle with the orange lid and not the yellow lid because she loves orange. I have found it easiest to feed her while sitting on the glider in her nursery with the lights dimmed and the Rockabye Baby Radiohead CD playing softly. Burp her gently, please.

With a first-grader:


(via jeansandjellies tumblr)

If you know how to use a stove and feel like doing a whole dinner thing, there’s mac and cheese in the cabinet to the right. Boom. We’ve also got some frozen pizzas and stuff, I think. Feel free to look around.

But if you don’t want to worry about it, then just let her snack on whatever she wants. Ice cream, popcorn, ice cream with popcorn, whatever. Go crazy and be the best babysitter ever.

2. Play time.

With a baby:


 (via Giphy)

We have some educational toys for Taproot in the playroom. Please use them. Stacking blocks will help with his gross motor skills, and we like to get him in the baby gym for at least ten minutes every evening. Please note that we have strict rules about screen time: Taproot is not to have have access to any TV, iPhone, or iPads. We believe strongly that screen time is bad for children and stunts their growth.

With a first grader:

thumbsupcomputerkid (via

We’ve got Finding Nemo, The Croods, Toy Store, The Incredibles…any movie you want. They are stacked next to the DVD player. Feel free to turn on Nick Jr too (it’s channel 120) and let Burlap and Chiffon relax for a while. Put your feet up. Enjoy yourselves.

Pages: 1 2