parenting advice

What Your Baby Shower Registry Says About You

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If this is your first baby and you are in the midst of scoping out your registry, don’t worry if you are confused. We all were. Nobody knows what the hell they need before they actually have children so we all just end up registering for a bunch of crap that we either think we need or that looks cool. Right? Am I right?

You can tell a lot about a person by perusing her registry. Here is a list of common and not-so-common registry items and what they say about the person who chose them.

1.  Baby Lounger, $200



You care most about your new baby fitting seamlessly into your impeccably designed minimalist house. You haven’t fully grasped that you are bringing a being into your world who prefers bright colors and plastic crap.

2. Bugaboo Donkey Stroller Base, $1149



Nothing says, “I own this sidewalk, bitch” like a double-sized stroller with one kid in it. Sure, it’s for family planning but do you know what this thing is going to look like three years from now when you’re finally ready to have another kid? This item says we over-plan everything and have too much money.

3. Infant Travel Bed, $120



If the thought of zipping your kid into a tent doesn’t immediately give you a panic attack, you are a calm, collected individual who will probably be great at this whole parenting thing. Also, you think you are still going to want to travel with an infant, which is cute.

4. Disposable Diapers, $32



You’re too poor to give a shit about the environment. Also, you’re sensible and realistic.

5. Super High Chair, $450



You demand the best for your child, and in this case that means your child will sit in the most expensive chair in the house, thank you very much.

6. Wine Of The Month Club, Price Varies


wine of the month club

You are the smartest woman alive.

7. Pro Baby Food Processor, $200



You are ambitious. You’re going to make the shit out of some baby food.

8. Mini Crib, $340



You haven’t fully grasped how fast your child will grow and how much it is going to constantly need from you. Baby steps. It will all be okay. FYI – this is a huge waste of money.

9. 7-Peice Crib Set, $160



You are a stickler for details and love cute things! You refuse to believe all your kid needs is a fitted sheet.

10. Changing Table, $99



The thought of setting your baby on a precariously narrow, high surface doesn’t freak you out at all. You are either a natural at this whole parenting thing, or in complete denial.

(Image: Sergey Novikov/Shutterstock)