having a baby

The 10 Worst Things About Creating A Baby Book

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I hate baby books with the fire of a thousand suns. If you think I am overreacting and am a huge jerk for refusing to fill out even a page of a baby book for either of my sons, read on to find out why baby books are the WORST:

1. You have to write in it.

Seriously, who has time to keep up with this task as a new mother of an infant?

2. You have to figure out how to print pictures off your computer to fill it.

See “who has time for this” under point #1.

3. You have to special order photo-quality printer paper once you figure out that your sad Office Depot paper won’t cut it for photos.

See point #2.

4. You have to buy scrapbooking stuff.

You may think that you just have to commit to writing in your baby book—but if you think this, you are dead wrong. If you don’t have special markers, don’t even waste your time.

5. You have to stick to a color theme.

Now that you’ve bought the special markers, it’s no time to slack. If your baby book doesn’t match your nursery colors, you’re pretty much fucked.

6. You have to do math.

Inches, pounds, time of birth—what is this, calculus?

7. You have to come up with loving, motherly phrases to fill the book.

As a new mom, this is super-duper hard. Start out with “on the day you were born” and end with “the joy of my life, my sweet baby boy/girl” to be on the safe side.

8. You have to keep a lock of hair to tape in the book.

*shudder*

9. You have to remember to show your friends.

Once all is said and done, what are you going to do with this amazing baby book? Don’t forget to put it on your coffee table and point it out to anyone who comes by. Make them flip through each page as you watch them with eager, soulful eyes.

10. You have to remember to show your kids.

If you don’t show your kid this baby book with eager, soulful eyes twenty years down the road, then you’ve definitely failed as a mother. Keep it on the coffee table and dust it regularly. Bust it out for special occasions, like your son’s first date.

(Image: Evgeny Atamanenko/Shutterstock)