Childrearing

10-Month-Old Baby Disqualified From Crawling Contest For Being A Cheating Cheater Who Cheats

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Children Active Growth Portrait, Little Kids from 6 months to 1When the New England Patriots were accused of using partially deflated balls during the Super Bowl AFC Championships, parents everywhere moaned about what a bad example these professional athletes were setting for children. I thought that was silly, but it turns out they were right. Tom Brady used squishy balls, and now kids today have no respect for rules, tradition, or order, and a 10-month-old baby has been disqualified from a local crawling contest for cheating.

According to The Stir, the Pan-O-Prog Crawl-A-Thon in Lakeville, Minnesota, has been rocked by scandal after this year’s fastest baby was disqualified because organizers say she wasn’t “crawling” at all.

Everyone who attended the crawl-a-thon agrees that 10-month-old Berkley Bailey was the first across the finish line, but they don’t agree if she got there by “crawling” or “scooting.” Instead of facing forward and crawling on her hands and knees like a basic baby, Bailey scooted with her left arm and left leg, dragging her right side after her. It was pretty quick, and she was faster than all the others.

We could argue what “crawling” is all day, but the crawl-a-thon officials specifically informed all the babies before the event that they would have to use their hands and knees to crawl, and other methods of locomotion would get them disqualified. Bailey knew what she was doing when she flouted the grand traditions of the Pan-O-Prog Crawl-A-Thon.

But now Bailey’s mother, Samantha Moore, has complained to the media about the unfair treatment of her daughter and the Pan-O-Prog Crawl-A-Thon’s unfair rules, which she says are unfair to babies who have physical disabilities, or who just move better than other babies do.

“That’s the only way we’ve ever seen our baby crawl,” she said. “That’s all she’s ever done. The doctor told us it was a crawl.”

The “crawling must be done on hands and knees” rule was apparently established at last year’s crawl-a-thon when another cheating cheater blew away the competition by “crawling” on his hands and feet, with his legs straight. That baby was also disqualified, but his parents must have just bottled up their disappointment and gone home, because that story never made it to the news.

“It’s not necessarily like, oh my God, we needed her to win,” said Moore, as she complained to the Sun This Week newspaper. “It’s just a baby crawl. It was more like she did really good and we didn’t really expect her to go that fast, but she did and then we’re disqualified.”

Berkley Bailey is a baby and has no idea WTF is going on with any of this, but the disqualification was apparently an intense disappointment for her legions of fans. Moore said many family members took time off work to watch the competition, then were disappointed that Berkley was disqualified. They’d probably be really disappointed if it weren’t, you know, a baby crawl. (Or if all their bosses found out that they had taken time off work to attend a baby crawl.)

For her part, Pan-O-Prog president Diana Neameyer sounds completely over the whole thing.

“We just try to keep it fair for everybody,” she said, “We’ve been doing this for years and have not had a problem, All of the sudden, we have people having problems with Baby Crawl-A-Thon. If it gets to be a real issue, we’ll just cancel it. It’s not worth our hassle and stress to try to appease everyone.”

(Photo: iStock/Getty images)