7 Ways Babies Are Like Supervillains
As we all know, babies are evil little gremlins that do nothing but take and take with no regard for how exhausted, bored, or longing for wine we are. They are greedy, shiftless, and can’t sit down to take a dump, which automatically makes them untrustworthy. Basically, babies are like super villains. Tiny, smelly super villains whose only desire is to take over the world, one uterus at a time.
1. A baby’s piercing cry is like the Dark Side of the force
It can bend you to its will and you won’t even know what’s going on. One minute you’re peacefully sleeping and the next you’re elbow deep in baby poor, singing the Doc McStuffins theme over and over and over again like a zombie.
2. Much like Lex Luthor, babies are mad with power
They don’t stop until they’ve conquered your boobs and your will to live. And they aren’t afraid of using sleep deprivation or baby pee water boarding as torture methods.
3. Like Doc Ock, babies’ arms and legs are EVERYWHERE
Every seen a video of an octopus escape a tank? Well trying to change and clothe a baby is kinda like that, except you’re also covered in baby shit, spit up, and shame.
4. Babies make you love them, no matter how evil they are
And just like Loki, babies often have some serious sibling rivalry issues to deal with when they come into the world.
5. Babies are ravenous beings who are never satiated
Except unlike Galactus, Eater of Worlds, the only thing that your baby wants is either your sweet, sweet sweater juice (or bank-breaking formula, if he’s into that sort of thing, either way you lose).
6. Babies and logic go together like fish and bicycles
According to comicbooks.about.com, The Joker is…
“…mad. Maybe that is what is so appealing about this character. Pain, morality, logical thinking, and every other normal human trait go out the window when one thinks of the Joker. Combine his sanity with his penchant ability with toxic chemicals, and you have the makings of an unpredictable madman that can bring those around him to their knees.”
Pain? Illogical thinking? Using toxic (butt) waste to subdue his enemies? Who does this sound like? That’s right, your BABY.
7. Babies are wizened up, their voices sound funny…
and instead of using Force Lightning out of their hands, they use Force Diarrhea our of their butts.