12 Awful Things Parents Call Vaginas Besides Vaginas

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When it comes to teaching our kids what to call their private parts, there are two ways you can go: nicknames, or actual names. I myself am a fan of the actual name for vaginas, which is “vagina.” That is all I have ever used with my daughter. But there are a whole lot of people out there who are not comfortable using the word “vagina” with a two-year-old and make up some crazy ass names to call it instead.

Tracey Moore at Jezebel makes a solid argument for the use of the word “vagina,” saying:

A.) It is no big deal and

B.) That is how things work

C.) She is a girl, subject to a ludicrous degree of shame about her specific parts. I want her to be comfortable with her body as often as she is curious, and as appropriate as is warranted based on her development. It should not ever be regarded as shocking or bad.

D.) This is not a new idea, or even a “me” idea, it’s a researched and thoroughly supported idea by experts.


I did a wee bit of internet research to see what kinds of made-up names some parents use for vaginas, and people, there are some kids out there calling their vaginas some bizarre things that, quite frankly, make me way more uncomfortable than the word “vagina” ever could. Here is a small sample:

1. First names like Minnie, Susie, or Mary.

 (via giphy)

So your daughter needs to go wipe her Mary? Or do you make the vagina sentient and say that Susie needs to pee pee? I’m not on board with this, but if I were, I’d name my vagina Roy.

2. Cookie.

(via Tumblr)

Nope. As in, “Who wants a cookie?” Or, “Wow, this cookie is so moist.” Kids love cookies, y’all. In a couple of years things are going to get very confusing for her. I would also worry that the concept of a cookie jar might scare her to death.

3. Popo.

(via Imgfave)

Well, that’s what comes to my mind at least. And I don’t need anyone policing my daughter’s vagina (see what I did there?).

4. Puff.

(via Giphy)

This reminds me of puff balls, which is oddly descriptive of vaginas with a certain style of grooming. But for a little girl this is just way too cutesy. It’s a vagina, not a pet.

5. Kitty cat.

(via Tumblr)

Absolutely not. No. This makes my face go all scrunchy and weird.

6. Cooter.


 (via Twitter)

Do you want to think about Cooter from The Dukes of Hazzard every time you talk to your daughter about her vagina? I don’t.

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