Christian Couple That Thinks You Care About Their Dumb Marriage Threatens To Divorce If Gay Marriage Is Legalized

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187315732Let’s do a quick straw poll: Raise your hand if you give even a single shit about the marriage of Nick and Sara Jensen. Nobody? I saw a hand in the back, but they just wanted to ask, “Who are Nick and Sara Jensen and why should I care about them?”

(Related: Scientists Debunked The Biggest Anti-Gay-Marriage Study, Too Bad It Probably Won’t Change Any Minds )

According to Buzzfeed News, Nick Jensen is an Australian man who believes so strongly that gay marriage will destroy heterosexual marriages that he has promised to protest by divorcing his wife of 10 years, Sara, if the Australian government legalizes gay marriage. Sara thinks this is a great idea, because apparently there really is someone for everyone.

Nick Jensen says that the state of Australia would be in breach of contract with him if it extends marriage rights to homosexual couples.

“For us, fundamentally, when we got married we signed a contract with the state and that contract was around the current definition of marriage and all the things that comes with it. Man and woman for life, for the sake of children,” he said. “If it came to be that the definition of the contract was changed, the contract is now null and void.”

Jensen also maintains that the state is only involved in marriage because the church deigned to allow the government to get involved a piddly five or six hundred years ago:

“The reason the state is involved in marriage at all is mainly around property law and divorce courts,” he told BuzzFeed News. “The church was involved in marriage for 500–600 years before the state got involved. The church only said, ‘We’ll allow you to have this [marriage] as long as you uphold it.’ If the state suddenly changes its definition, it suddenly changes the whole situation.”

So the Jensens have decided that if and when gay marriage is legalized in Australia, they will be getting divorced. OK, guys. Go to town. I am not Nick or Sara, or their parents, so I could genuinely not care less if this pair of bigots gets a divorce, especially since I would be willing to bet money that if they do get a divorce, they will just declare government-authorized marriages to be invalid and go get some equally bigoted priest to marry them in a religious ceremony and refuse to file paperwork to make it legally official according to the state. Then they will presumably tell everyone who will listen about their “real” marriage that the government doesn’t recognize, until there are financial benefits to having their marriage recognized by the state, in which case they will probably just wind up whining like great big babies about how it is unfair that they do not get the same rights and privileges as everybody else. The irony will be sweet, except we will all have forgotten their names by then.

Personally, I think their protest is particularly funny, because they are protesting something that will have absolutely no effect on them by doing something that has no effect on anybody else. It is as though I decided to protest the wearing of yoga pants in public by wearing a pair of jeans, except I think more people would care about my pants than about whether or not the Jensens get divorced.

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