Anonymous Mom

Anonymous Mom: When It Comes to Being a Mom, We ALL Suck

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We all suck, really. Each and everyone of us. It’s a proven fact. How many times a day do you do something and think to yourself, #worstmomever? To make you feel better during those moments, here are just a few ways that I suck, FOR REAL.

I hate laundry.

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At all times, there is a huge pile of laundry in the corner of my bedroom. Oh, you need a bathing suit tomorrow but it’s in the laundry? Thank God for Amazon Prime. Put that on the credit card because with three kids we clearly don’t have extra money to spend just because I HATE doing laundry.

Cake? For breakfast? Yup. YOLO, Cabes.

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Sure, I’m going to regret that decision for the next four hours of you screaming your head off while on your sugar rush. But if that cake kept you from losing your shit, eat the damn cake. And don’t forget to share with your mother.

I can never remember to take them their doctor’s appointments.

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Cabrey went to her 15-month check-up when she was 18-months-old. I don’t know – better late than never (never has happened too).

Sometimes I take the long way home on the train after work.

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Just so I can get five more minutes of alone time. Those five minutes prepare me for what I’m about to deal with for the next few hours. I mean, the kids had their time to wind down after their day, right?

Cleaning is the last thing on my mind at all times.

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I apologize to anyone who has been in or will be in my house. Don’t judge me by my messy bathroom. If there is no toilet paper left, I probably just didn’t feel like getting another one. Or I’m paying my husband back for not replacing the previous roll.

I “borrow” from my kids’ piggy banks.

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I mean, come on! It’s 2017. Who really carries cash anymore!? Running to the ATM with three kids? Nope, not a  chance. Sometimes I need those quarters for parking at the train station in the morning. I have quietly sneaked into my son’s room while he was sleeping in the morning and took a few singles from his little Ninja Turtle piggy bank (Donatello looking at me like, WTF?). I have vowed to one day pay him back … in love. (Honestly, I don’t even know where that money comes from. Does anyone else feel like their kids have an endless supply of money stashed somewhere?!)

I curse, like a sailor and in front of my kids.

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“You shouldn’t say that in front of kids!” Thanks, Tony (my almost 9 year old). I can’t help it. It’s been twenty years of me talking like this – trust me, having kids is the last thing that would change that habit.

Every time, without fail, when one of my kids wants something in a store I will get it for them to avoid being THAT mom with THAT screaming kid.

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I knowwwww, I get it. I’m teaching them they can have whatever they want, whenever they want it. But I refuse to be the mom of that Target meltdown kid. Every time I witness someone else going through it, I silently think to myself, “Just give it to him already!”

I’m a firm believer in the Five Second Rule.

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A few germs never hurt anybody! Actually, germs could cause major problems, but you get the idea.

I don’t discourage the use of household furniture as a trampoline.

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There is just something about seeing my kids jump on my bed that brings such joy to my life.

Next time you’re taking the Mother of The Year Award away from yourself, just remember: there’s someone out there who might even suck worse than you.

(Image: iStock / CREATISTA)

Anonymous Mom is a column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this anonymous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.