Chief Republican Troll Ann Coulter Says Women Lie About Rape To Get Attention

By  | 

annLast week, conservative pundit Ann Coulter rose from her coffin and read through the news of the day to see if there was anything she could make outlandish and cruel comments about. She found the UVA rape story, and said, “Excellent. This will do nicely. Igor, bring me my human face…I’m going out today.”

Coulter appeared as a guest on the Lars Larson Show to talk about campus rape. Because if you want educated thoughts on campus rape but would prefer high ratings, you call Ann Coulter.

Coulter claimed that not only does the much-criticized Rolling Stone story prove that campus rape is not really a problem, but also that acquaintance rape doesn’t exist, and that rape is only rape if a woman is “hit on the head with a brick.” Links to audio clips of her interview were included in an article at Raw Story, and contain the following gems:

“People have been asking me since the [UVA] story if I know anyone who has ever been sexually assaulted or raped, and in fact I do not. But I do have friends of friends who’ve been raped, and in two of the three it was in foreign countries, and three of the three involved violence.”

Here’s what I take from this:

1. Ann Coulter is, shockingly, not someone women turn to when they want to talk about their rapes. (If you want compassion from Ann Coulter, talk to her about how your Mexican gardener forgot to prune your Magnolia tree.)

2. Americans don’t rape as much as men in foreign countries, because American penises only rise to salute our flag and Jesus Christ.

3. Real rapes involve violence, which is defined, again, as being hit on the head with a brick. Therefore, women must take care to stay away from any and all construction sites and kilns in order to avoid being raped. Those “paint your own pottery” stores in particular can be treacherous.

What else have you got for me, Ann?

“Now we seem to be going through a campus rape hysteria that is based on nothing. I mean, yeah, there are a few — a very few — actual rapists…and they’re usually Clintons or Kennedys.”

Gotcha. So:

1. Chelsea Clinton is a rapist.

2. I don’t know what number two is. I’m too busy thinking of ways to bring Chelsea Clinton to justice.

I was interested to see what else Coulter had to say about rape, because I have a horror diorama that I need to complete later. Lucky for me, Coulter also wrote a column about the issue last week on her site Ann ( was taken). She starts out with a bang:

Sorry this column is late. I got raped again on the way home. Twice. I should clarify — by “raped,” I mean that two seductive Barry White songs came on the radio, which, according to the University of Virginia, constitutes rape.

Ha. Ha hahahahahahahahahahahah! Ha. That’s hilarious. Really, Ann, your ability to turn other people’s personal tragedies into terrible jokes is unparalleled. That for sure needs to go in the top line of your resumé.

She also bashes women who don’t report their rapes:

Who doesn’t report a brutal crime? I had my right arm sawed off by an attacker several years ago, but I was unaware of the resources available to me, so I never pressed charges. I didn’t even admit it to myself until several years later.

And has an idea for a new charity:

Heads: rape hoax hysterics win; tails: men falsely accused of rape lose. How about donating it to organizations that assist survivors of false rape accusations?

And so on. And so on.

This is Ann Coulter’s schtick, and we all know that. She has made a name for herself by being cruel and by appealing to the lowest common denominator. So, fine. Congratulations to her for getting more press at the expense of other people’s feelings. In the meantime, let’s give her words the ridicule they deserve. Because seriously, fuck her.

(Photo: Christopher Halloran / Shutterstock)