being a mom

Amy Poehler And I Both Yell At Our Boys Because We Are Adorably Strict Parents

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Even though the split between Amy Poehler and Will Arnett made me cry giant inconsolable weepy tears, I still love both Amy and Will. I’m not picking sides, unless, of course, it turns out Will cheated on Amy, in which case I will totally mark him off my Christmas card list. Amy Poehler was on Ellen the other day being Amylicious adorable and talking about raising her two boys, Archie and Abel.

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I can totally relate to her opinion that boys play different than girls do. My sons are always trying to destroy everything within a five mile radius and my daughter is more focused on designing wedding dresses for the cat. The boys and girls in my family just play differently than each other.

Amy Poehler then goes on to discuss how she uses time out’s, negotiations, and straight up yelling which is probably my favorite disciplinary tactic of all. Well, that and fake crying. You can yell and still be a totally awesome and cute mom. The trick is to yell just enough to make the kid who is acting like a jerk-face to stop acting like a jerk-face and go back to being the perfect child you know they are capable of being. Time out’s work well too, especially when you put your sixteen-year-old son in the corner and make him stand there facing the wall for twenty minutes because he used the term “bitchass” at the dinner table. This not only reminds him that he should never use language like this again, but it serves to humiliate him which is added insurance against him using this sort of bitchass language while eating the pot roast you spent all day slaving over. (Stuck in your crockpot and ignored for six hours.)

I’m not one of those moms that screams at her kids. I can’t deal with parents who sit there shrieking over every little thing. I don’t even yell that often, but I’m an expert at lecturing in a very stern voice until my kid feels so horribly guilty they will never do whatever behavior required the lecture to begin with. And if I do yell, I try and never do it out of anger. I usually reserve yelling for when I’m either trying to get their attention “Stop playing in the street!”  and stop them from doing something dangerous or in a jokey way when I want their attention “Get down here and eat your pot roast that I spent all day slaving over or I will feed it to the dog and cat and monsters that I think are living in your closet.”

I reserve my yelling for very special circumstances. Until then I’m being all adorable like Amy Poehler and cutely disciplining my kids.

(Photo: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com)