being a mom
For Anyone Who Worries About the Age Gap Between Their Kids, This Mom Says It’s NBD
After having one child, many parents are hit the the question of whether or not to have any more kids. If they decide they want to grow their family, they also have to wonder when the right time might be. As any parent knows, there’s no “perfect” time, but many put pressure (on themselves and others) to make sure their kids are “timed right.” This is mainly due to fearing a lack of bonding if the gap between kiddos is too large. But one blogger’s recent Instagram post explains why the age gap between kids is actually no big deal.
Ali Harris is an author and blogger based in the UK. She’s also pregnant with her fourth child, and knows a thing or two about the pressure mamas face when figuring when to have a baby. Harris’ two eldest children are 8 and 6, and she lost her third baby some years ago. Obviously, this fourth child will have a pretty noticeable age gap of about 6 or 7 years, but Harris is so beyond letting that bother her. That’s what prompted her to write this now-viral Instagram post.
Why the Age Gap Between Kids Is Nothing to Stress
“It’s easy to obsess over when to have another child, many of us aiming for that ‘perfect’ age gap so they’re close enough in age to play together but old enough for us to not have to be wiping more than one bum at once,” Harris says in the post, which has now received 251 likes and countless comments.
She admits that while she understands this, that she also knows that life doesn’t always work out the way we plan.
“Losing our third baby and then struggling to conceive again for three years and watching that age gap grow bigger and bigger, at times I questioned if having another baby was the right thing to do,” the post continues.
View this post on Instagram
The thing I'm loving the most about this pregnancy? Sharing it with my two who are 8 and 6 and are so incredibly excited about this baby. It's easy to obsess over when to have another child, many of us aiming for that 'perfect' age gap so they're close enough in age to play together but old enough for us to not have to be wiping more than one bum at once ?Anything much bigger than that and we worry that they won't be close. But we all know life doesn't always work out as we plan and when that perceived perfect period of 3 years or so passes it can feel like you've failed – not just your own image of that perfect family but society's too. Losing our third baby and then struggling to conceive again for three years and watching that age gap grow bigger and bigger, at times I questioned if having another baby was the right thing to do. But seeing Ashling with her sister @wearsjuicy who is ten years younger than her – and knowing what an incredibly special relationship they have helped enormously when the doubts set in. I also knew how much love there is in my family, how much these two still talked about poppy and how good they are with friends babies and I knew this baby would be privileged to be looked after them and have them to teach them about the world. The last few years have also taught me to move the parameters of what I thought was 'perfect' and embrace how things are, not how I – or anyone else – thinks they should be. Experiencing this pregnancy with my kids at the age they are after what we went through is nothing short of a gift. They're so engaged already, so excited and looking after me so well – I'm even getting back rubs and baths and LIE INS! And that never would have happened a few years ago. So for those who have waited a little longer than most for their next child – by choice, through loss or because you're struggling to conceive – I've written a post about the benefits of a big age gap on the site today (link in bio ?) I hope it helps you keep the faith and feel certain that whatever the gap is, it is going to be just right for your family. Because really, that's all that counts isn't it? â¤ï¸#tmtalk #teamtriplemelt #tmbaby
“But seeing AshlingÂ [her friend and co-founder of blog-zine Triple Melt] with her sisterÂ @wearsjuicywho is ten years younger than her – and knowing what an incredibly special relationship they have helped enormously when the doubts set in.”
Harris attributes a lot of her positivity about her pregnancy these days to her children, stating that experiencing it with them is, “nothing short of a gift.”
She’s even written a blog post about the benefits of a larger age gap, “…for those who have waited a little longer than most for their next child – by choice, through loss or because you’re struggling to conceive.”
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(Image: Instagram / @triplemelt)