Labor Pains: After I Gave Birth, People Still Thought I Was Pregnant
Mothers are the best liars. I find it hilarious. In this day and age (um, the year 2012!) I thought that everyone in the entire world, especially women, were smart enough to NEVER say to another woman anything along the lines of, â€œSo when are you due?â€ or worse, â€œAre you pregnant?â€ So I was completely shocked when a week and a half AFTER I had my baby, and attended my daughterâ€™s graduation ceremony, when not one, but three, mothers said to me, â€œYou look like youâ€™re ready to pop!â€ And, â€œYou must be due any day now.â€ And, â€œYou must be ready to get that out of you!â€
I looked at each of them and laughed, â€œUm, I gave birth last week.â€
There was a split second where I could see in their eyes that they knew they totally screwed up and were completely embarrassed. And in that split second their statement of, â€œYou must be due any day now,â€ turned to, â€œYou look great!!â€ (Oh, really? Because a second ago you thought I was STILL pregnant.)
For all of you who are pregnant, I have some bad news for you. After you pop out the baby, you might not lose all the weight. In fact, some of you will still look as if you are majorly pregnant â€“ and you will for weeks.
Now that my son is three months old, I still look back at the days when I was pregnant and say, â€œThose were good times. Very good times.â€ They were good times because I was eating pancakes with a ton of butter and syrup. At my lowest point, I bought two chocolate croissants a day. Wait. No. My lowest point was when I would take two chocolate chip cookies and make a sandwich with them filled with whipped cream. Yes, they were good times, my friends.
Recently, I was on Good Morning America. When the producer called to ask me on the show, she also asked me a personal question. This was her first pregnancy and she said to me, â€œThis has nothing to do with the show, but I just want to know how much weight you gained.â€ I asked her, at four months pregnant, how much she had gained so far. She answered, â€œabout five pounds.â€ I laughed. â€œListen, I gained five pounds in the first week!â€ By the end, I had gained 60 pounds.
I gave her the best advice I had: keep on exercising and donâ€™t eat like a pig. Of course (hello!) this was me giving the advice and Iâ€™m the one who was eating pancakes, chocolate croissants and cookies covered in whipped cream. It annoyed me to no end when my fiancÃ© would say, â€œYouâ€™re eating like a truck driver.â€ And, yes, I was. But I say this honestly. I really was THAT hungry. I really had NO will power. And when you gain 60 pounds, itâ€™s not easy to get off.
Three months after giving birth, I still have 15 more pounds to lose (which isnâ€™t too bad considering I lost 45.) How did I do this? Well, the minute I left the hospital, I had will power. I didnâ€™t eat any fried foods. I loaded up on fruits and vegetables. Breakfast was eggs. Lunch was chicken salad, and dinner was a salad, or sometimes a hamburger with no bun. I started exercising religiously after six weeks (I had a C-section.) And youâ€™d think that Iâ€™d feel so healthy. But, really, I craved chocolate and french fries like it would be my last meal.
I didnâ€™t feel healthy. I felt bitter that I couldnâ€™t eat french fries. Losing weight, or trying to lose weight, I got a whole new understanding of what itâ€™s like to diet. Dieting sucks. Dieting is really, really hard. I have a whole new appreciation for people trying to lose weight. Iâ€™m actually not obsessed about losing the weight as much as I thought Iâ€™d be. Iâ€™m giving myself five months.
This is all to say NEVER ask women, no matter if she looks pregnant, if she is pregnant. Even if she looks seven months pregnant. NEVER ask. I thought all people knew this. But, apparently, they donâ€™t.