teenager
This Rent-A-Teen Program Sounds Much Cheaper Than The Real Thing
If you’re thinking about having kids, it might occur to you that at some point, your tiny, precious bundle of joy is going to turn into an enormous, refrigerator-emptying, stinky-sock-producing machine. The post-baby singularity is a big enough life change; it’s hard enough to imagine what it’ll be like to hold a tiny infant in your arms, let alone to picture what your life is going to look like in sixteen years. Fortunately, Kentuckian actor Stanley Robinson is here to help, with his Rent-A-Teenager program for prospective parents. Based on the current expense of clothing, feeding, and otherwise providing for a child, not to mention sending him to college, a rental option sounds like a pretty good option.
Robinson’s flyer was spotted on a gym billboard by a Reddit user, and I have to give him credit for his method acting, because this thing looks like something one of my former students could have churned out in PowerPoint five minutes before an assignment was due.
On its face, renting a teenager sounds pricey, but hey: no school clothes or supplies, no teenage-rate car insurance or gas money, no college tuition. After a week of unwashed plates of Bagel Bites and nacho cheese stacking up in the sink, funky laundry collecting in front of the washing machine, and a constant household background noise of Call of Duty, you get to wave goodbye to your temporary teenager, and go back to your quiet, Axe-body-spray-free life. You’ll also have plenty of time when you’re not arguing over chores and phone bills to call your doctor to schedule your vasectomy or tubal ligation. Those aren’t cheap either, but neither is eighteen years’ worth of Fruit Roll-ups, Cheetos, and Easy Mac.
(Image: jpmaje2/reddit)