The ABCs Of Being A Soccer Mom

Ah, my life as the quintessential Soccer Mom. It isn’t always easy, but it sure is fun. My kids both play year-round so running off to practices and games is just part of our routine. I was inspired recently while sitting through yet another long training session and thought I would write a little ditty about the ABC’s of my life as an SUV-driving, yoga pant-wearing, snack-carting total stereotype of a Soccer Mom. It’s a lot of work but I never tire of cheering for my kids week in and week out. At the risk of sounding like a total sap, it’s the best kind of busy.

A is for my ass, stuck in bleachers for hours,

B is for the ball, kick that, don’t pick flowers.

C is for coach, I’ll admit, he’s quite cute.

D is for sudden death, get the ball, SHOOT!

E is for effort, I’m proud if you try,

F is for faking it, I know your REAL cry.

G is for goalie, when you’re it, I bite nails.

H is for hat trick, your confidence sails!

I is for ice cream, our after-game treat,

J is for Jack-Ass Dad, yelling from his seat.

K is for kick, yours has come a long way!

L is for lazy, which can’t happen on game day.

M is for mini-van, from game to game we streak,

N is for net, please don’t get stuck in it this week.

O is for OPEN, what you yell to teammates,

P is for penalties, try to keep a clean slate.

Q is for quickly, from school to the field,

R is for referree, the team’s fate he has sealed.

S is for score, that’s the aim for each play,

T is for tie-breaker, fuck, we’ll be here all day.

U is for ugh, that bad scrape on your knee,

V is for game-day video, we parents film with glee.

W is for weather, please let it stop raining!

X is for extra snacks so you’ll quit complaining.

Y is for yoga pants, MY game uniform

Z is for zany, our soccer season norm.

(Image: GettyImages)