being a mom

8 Things Your Babysitter Is Probably Lying About

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No matter how ready you are for date night with your spouse or a girls’ night with your BFFs, leaving your kids with a babysitter can be nerve-racking. Even if the sitter is someone you know and trust, a mom can’t help but worry about her kids’ safety, what might happen in an emergency situation, or the extremely unlikely event that the sitter will throw a raging party and make out with her boyfriend all night.

Thankfully, the odds are low that a babysitter would lie about important stuff, like having proper CPR training or sneaking her boyfriend into the house…she’s much more likely to lie about this stuff when you come home instead:

1. Food.

No, you’re not imagining that you once had an unopened canister of sour cream and onion Pringles in the pantry, and no, your child did not magically develop a taste for those dark chocolate-covered coffee beans you’ve been slowly savoring ever since that food booth lady at Costco convinced you buy a 10-pound bag. Your food is all gone because your babysitter ate it. Try to let it go—she just had to put up with your kids for three hours. She deserves to eat dark chocolate potato chips and, frankly, whatever else she wants. Count yourself lucky she didn’t hit the liquor cabinet.

2. Bedtime.

You know how you don’t like listening to your kids whine about bedtime? Well, chances are your babysitter doesn’t care for it either; that’s why they watched 86 back-to-back episodes of Inspector Gadget on Netflix right up until they heard you pull into the driveway. Your kids are only pretending to be asleep, but don’t even try to bust them on it; they promised not to rat the sitter out, and in exchange she promised to let them watch 86 more episodes the next time she comes over to babysit. That’s how babysitting works, people.

Game of Thrones

Image: HBO

3. Game of Thrones.

Speaking of Inspector Gadget, that isn’t really what they watched all night. The sitter’s 100% sure the kids weren’t paying any attention while she perused your HBO on-demand programming, but accidents happen so don’t be too surprised if your littles suddenly want to change your Great Dane’s name from Marmaduke to Hodor.

4. Spills.

When you come home to a trash can full of mysteriously wet paper towels, your sitter knows it sounds a lot better to say the cat threw up—a lot—than to admit the toddler decided to practice writing his name in body lotion all over the kitchen tile. Whatever happened, she took care of it and you probably don’t want to know the details, anyway.

5. Behavior.

The babysitter will tell you that your kiddos were the best-behaved youngsters she’s ever had the honor of nannying for the night. In reality, your kids probably argued with each other. They probably cried. They probably refused to eat most of their dinner. Heck, she probably wouldn’t mention it even if your precious devil spawn lit the neighbor’s lawn on fire while she left the 8-year-old in charge because she had to run to the Qwik-E-Mart for some more milk to replace the gallon they dumped into the Jacuzzi. Duh, she wants repeat business! If you think she can’t handle your little heathen kids, then you’re unlikely to invite her back to give it another go.

6. Minor mishaps.

Look, the penny isn’t stuck in your kid’s ear anymore, so what’s the point in telling you about those four solid minutes of sheer panic now that the danger’s passed?

Glee Glitter Vomit

Image: Fox

7. Cleaning.

Yes, she did technically clean up after that craft project, but only a parent really understands how important it is to get down on all fours to check for Play-Doh embedded in the carpet, or knows that sweeping up glitter takes at least 482 passes with the vacuum before you can even START to consider walking through that room again. Prepare yourself to re-clean everything after she goes home, and next time? Hide the glitter.

8. Secrets.

You know full well your kids told the sitter about how Mommy walks around naked after a shower, and how you just spray air freshener when company’s coming over instead of cleaning, and about that one time they saw Mommy and Daddy “wrestling” on top of the dryer in the laundry room. You can safely assume that anyone who spends time alone with your kids (or had unfettered access to your browsing history) is going to know a few of your secrets; just play along and live in denial, like the sitter does. It’s easier for everyone that way.

 What are some things you’ve lied about as a babysitter? Do these lies matter? Let us know in the comments!

(Image: iStock / SbytovaMN)